Spooked: Books to Run From

Target Aquired!

2009-01-02T18:24:00.003+11:00

Once upon a time, I went to a flea market type thing with the lovely Anjel, and she helped me find a fun little paperback called Occult Murders. It was so very very bad that I couldn't read all the way through it at the time (which is saying a lot, since I've read no less than THREE books by Konstantinos!) However, I've finally finished it, and it's the next target for my rusty wit. It'll be a good book to get me back into the swing of things.

Something stirs...

2008-12-03T10:01:00.004+11:00

Oh my oh my, it has been an age, hasn't it? Well, fearless readers, I have returned. Who would have thought that getting married and making an attempt to write a few less reviews and a few more pieces of fiction would have resulted in such an unceremonious hiatus?

But now I'm back. And while I can't yet proclaim that old Connie is better than ever, at least I am here again!

I'd like to thank everyone who continued to comment while I had fallen off the face of the earth -- I received everything from resounding agreement to an indignant defense of one of my favorite targets, the prolific Konstantinos.

Well, now that I've actually stirred and posted and started talking again, it's time for me to go forth and dig out my next target. I'll lay off good old Konstantinos for a while and try to find something even more wretched. Wish me luck.

While I'm at it, I better change the look of this place. Why the hell did I leave it looking so fugly?

The Seeker is Out There

2008-04-01T09:40:00.003+11:00

The April Edition of The Seeker is out there. You can check it out downloading it here: http://www.mediafire.com/?it7l0fmnuth

Just follow the link and click the "click here to start download" link.

No April Fool's I promise!

David Devereux’s Brother from Another Mother

2008-03-31T17:54:00.002+11:00

Book: Occult Investigations: Real Cases from the files of X-Investigations
Author: Bob Johnson

I, Constance Parker, have found a new sub-genre of books. I plan on presenting my findings to the Book Watcher’s Society at their Spring Meeting (as soon as that organization exists). In the mean time, you people will have to do. *Constance peers over the speaker’s podium as the lights glint off of her pince-nez.* You there! Quiet in the back row! More curious than mini-genre of “true-crime-books-in-which-the author-claims-a-relative-killed-the-Black-Daliah,” more frustrating than “witchcraft-confessionals-written-by reformed-Christians”, I bring you the latest genre: Bardus Glorior Occultist Fabula (stupid boasting occultist story – and ain’t that the worst dog Latin you’ve ever seen? Bark, bark!) I’m basing this sub-genre on any book written by David Devereux and my latest review target: Occult Investigations: Real Cases from the files of X-Investigations.

You may be wondering what attributes contribute to a book being thrown forcefully into this category. If not, keep your trap shut and smile until the end. If so, you know I’m just dying to tell you all about it.

1. The book will be by some Dashiell Hammett-obsessed pseudo-detective with questionable fashion sense. Ain’t no Thin Man here, no matter how hard they try.

2. The author will claim various “secret occult learnings” but never be specific about what he knows, because his learnings were actually gleaned from old Dragon magazines and maybe some Googling on the days he feels more academically stringent.

3. The author will have a website which will contain photos of him in “action.” The site will be light on information and action, but will serve to confirm the questionable fashion sense.

4. The book will contain ridiculous stories of the author’s adventures which will serve only to highlight his lack of knowledge about the paranormal (and sometimes consensus reality).

So, with such a silly introduction, where do I start with this book? It is the story of X-Investigations, an organization that Mr. Johnson created to be “hard nosed,” “like the X-files,” and able to “kick the asses of a few malevolent demons.” I wish I was making those quotes up. So, already I’m picturing an angsty Fox Mulder in a Philip Marlowe trench coat doing an Anita Blake imitation. But before that image could scar me for life, Bob goes on to tell us that the problem with paranormal investigators is that they have no “real-world investigative smarts.” And the problem with Churches is that they only deal with the Devil and you have to tithe to them. I’m not going into how he has apparently confused the Catholic Church with all other Churches.

Of course, we get the usual story about how Mr. J got involved in the creepy crazy world of the paranormal. He says he’s greatly influenced by Hanz Holzer (the guy who was just sure the Amityville Horror haunting happed because of an angry Indian Chief’s ghost). And J initially began his foray into the paranormal because he liked scary stories! Be still my beating heart. Soon, he’s going to tell us that he read Joseph Campbell. But, no! Instead, he tells us that he met Raymond T. McNally while he (Johnson) was in college. Dr. McNally wrote In Search of Dracula: The History of Dracula and Vampires way back in 1972. Bob Johnson will have you believe that Dr. McNally “took the dark side seriously” and later on in his book claims that Dr. McNally “didn’t discount factual vampirism.” Excuse me for turning into Penn Gillette for a moment, but that is complete bullshit. You want to know how I know that? Guess who else got to talk to Raymond T. McNally when she was in college? Go ahead – guess! You got it in one – I met Dr. McNally while he was doing a college tour in the 1990s to promote the new edition of In Search of Dracula. McNally didn’t believe in vampirism, no matter how much Mr. Johnson wants to hint that he did. He did believe that other people believed in it, however. I appreciate how that can be confusing. McNally also managed to be a brilliant scholar and historian while being light hearted enough to walk around in a cape and fangs – he was a legend of a man. And one whose name shouldn’t be taken in vain by the likes of Bob (I’m a) Johnson.

So Bob read scary books, liked Hans Holzer, harassed Raymond and then worked for Beyond Reality, a paranormal magazine that had its hey day in the 1990s.They even assigned him to spend a night in the Amityville Horror house, the results of which he claims is “stuff for another book.” That statement doesn’t surprise me, despite the fact that Amityville was a poorly-orchestrated hoax. Anyone who claims to be an expert on the paranormal and claims to believe that that shouse on Long Island is haunted is one of three things: a liar, an idiot, or a conman.

Okay, enough about the distant and murky past of good old Bob. It’s time to move on to the puzzling and contradictory story he tells about the formation of his little investigative organization. One day, little Bobby decided that what the world needed was a paranormal investigation organization associated with a licensed detective agency. According to the description of this blessed event in the introduction (p. xv), he spent a few hours chatting with his private detective friend Vincent, brought in his “Emma-Peel-like psychic Czech colleague” (in a leather cat suit, no less!) and so impressed his detective pal that they decided to create X-Investigations on the spot. From this story, we understand that Bob was associated with Silvana (the Czech colleague) prior to the formation of X-investigations and that the formation of the organization required a couple of hours of story telling. It’s a simple story, really. Which makes it even stranger when it completely changes on page 9. According to the story on page 9, Bob went on a ghost hunt (where he was apparently terrified by a cold spot and a flickering gauss meter – maybe he should rethink his career path). When he got home from the hunt, he had a message from Silvana, now described as a “woman in Vincent’s office” and a complete stranger. In this version, their successful completion of their first case together caused Vincent to agree to assisting in creating X-Investigations.

So, which is it? It can’t be both, unless some kookie paranormal stuff that not even I would believe in is going on. Johnson never attempts to explain the discrepancy in the origin of his own organization. So it is obvious that Bob is lying about how his organization came to be. (It’s also pretty obvious that Bob has a really bad editor.) I wonder what else Bob will like about? Sadly, we don’t have to wonder for long.
Let’s just have a run down of the topics that Bob covers in his true-to-life exploits:
1. A woman burns down a café because she’s haunted by a ghost that was wronged by an ancestor.
2. A husband is forced to cheat on his wife by the ghost of her father who is being controlled by her aunt. Huh?
3. A Romanian youth in the US becomes a vampire thanks to role playing games. Shoving his cousin (who is residing in another country) into a box with a corpse somehow cures him.
4. An occultist uses his 128k Macintosh to store his soul and to take over the soul of a child.
5. A devout Catholic woman randomly decides to do a ritual and gets possessed by an Incubus, so se decides to have sex with everyone she sees – and she wears a penis-shaped pendant!
6. Some Satanists move into a New York apartment and own a dog with green eyes – and sometimes the eyes appear blue!
7. A woman speaks to cats and obtains their magical secrets. She melds her soul with one of her cats when she dies.
8. A psychic is pestered by Houdini’s Hell Rats.
9. A house is haunted by a remorseful ghost, who attempts to strangle people anyway.

Yeah, I know that the above list makes about much sense as a Dadaist poem. But those are the real-life events that Bob gives us to work with. All of the above creatures seem pretty daunting. Well, at least a little daunting. What the hell is a Houdini Hell Rat anyway? Good thing for Bob that he has backup. Unfortunately for us, his backup is Silvana, who is just as much of a cartoon character as he is. I knew things were going to be bad when he first describes her as “Emma-Peel-like.” It’s even worse when you go to the X-Investigations web site and see that they have trademarked the phrase “The World’s Sexiest Ghost Buster.” She’s Bobs Czechoslovakian psychic. Don’t worry about forgetting that she’s Czech, because Bob mentions it ever time he mentions her in the first half of the book. We get references to her “Czech accent,” complete with poor phonetic reproductions of it which make her sound like Natasha Fatale from the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.

So, that’s it – I’m not going into any more details on this one. To sum up, our hero gives two different stories for the formation of his own organization, can’t keep details straight about who he meets when, and lies about what scholars believed about the paranormal. Yet, he asks us to believe in the existence of “Houdini Rats” and Incubuses. Either Bob is completely disconnected from reality or (worse) a liar. Take your pick!

March's Seeker

2008-03-04T14:13:00.002+11:00

I'm so slack -- this post should have been up four days ago.

Anywho, head on over to The Seeker to sign up to receive email copies or email me if you'd like me to send you a copy. Either way, my latest article is in the March issue.

Buzz, buzz, buzz...

2008-02-29T14:43:00.002+11:00

I've just been the busiest little bee these past few weeks -- but I don't have a review to post yet -- for shame! However, the book I am working on is the one pictured in my new icon.

You can expect me to be a little more diligent in my posting, now that I've settled back down again. Did the online world miss me? (Pardon me while I strike a diva pose...)

A Closet Post Secret Junkie Thinks about Love

2008-02-11T09:29:00.000+11:00

Yes, I'm one of those people that nip over to Post Secret every week to check out the postcards. This is the latest video collage of cards, all having to do with love.

A word of advice from Connie: don't ever stop loving people -- eventually, you will find the right person.

If you haven't quite found "the one" enjoy Valentines this week with that thought in mind!

The Tide is High....

2008-02-05T09:08:00.000+11:00

It's raining -- a lot. Take a look at this picture of the (usually) laughably dry "wetlands" across the street from my apartment. A bunch of roads are closed -- we are trapped in Nowra. If there was a perfect time for the big Cthulhu-creatures to pop out of the sewers and get us, this is it.

I'm not worried -- really. *Clutches can of Cthulhu-Away-Spray(tm).*

The pic above is of me, waiting in the gutter to do battle.

Frank and I are going out later to take more photos.

An Announcement

2008-02-01T09:37:00.001+11:00

Maya, Chief Editor of the online newsletter The Seeker has been kind enough to let me write a column for it and the first issue of the new year is out. If you just can't get enough of my rambling (or if you would like to read some really interesting articles by some talented folks), check it out here.

Our Gods Wear Spandex, Our Goddesses are Barefoot and Pregnant

2008-01-31T16:37:00.000+11:00

Book: Our Gods Wear Spandex: The Secret history of Comic Book Heroes
Author: Christopher Knowles
Illustrator: Joseph Michael Linsner

Review:
I had high expectations for this book. It was an item on my Christmas list, as a matter of fact. I figured that it could possibly be the perfect holiday gift book for me – engaging, fun, easy to read in fits and starts, and a good conversation starter while I’m browsing my book by the tree. My fiancée was kind enough to give it to me, and I began to read it on December 26th. (He also gave me Rattles, the glow-in-the-dark skull shaped shaker. Say hello to the folks, Rattles!) I assure you, Rattles says "hi!"

You may have noticed that I began reading this book over a month ago. That’s because reading it almost destroyed me. It was something quite like hitting myself over the head again and again with a miniature bust of some obscure DC hero no one has ever heard of. The book ate my soul. This is the third time I’ve tried to force myself to sit down and write this review. I hope the third time is a charm, because I really want to go set fire to this book in the courtyard once I’m done.

It began innocently enough. First, with a brief introduction that explains to us why the author just had to write this book. This was quickly followed by what was, sadly, the most enjoyable part of the book: an engaging history of the comic book industry, with a focus on the horrible state that the industry was in during the 1990s (a.k.a. “The Chromatic Age”). I hung out/pseudo-worked at a Comic Book shop in the early 90’s, which has long since gone out of business (I salute you, Dr. Comics!), so I found the history and the unflinching description of just how bad comics were at that time entertaining.

The reader is soon presented with one of Mr. Knowles’s basic premises: that when the general culture is anxiety-ridden and scared, comics become a brisk business. I can buy that – escapism is always on the menu when a culture is stressed. He continues to tell us that as society pendulums from a shades-of-gray-appreciating level of comfort to a black-and-white-desiring discomfort, the appreciation of superheroes wanes and waxes accordingly.

Mr. Knowles has a very broad definition of a superhero, which changes according to his whim. It’s interesting to see that he never fully defines this term, lumping characters like Rambo (who certainly did not stem from the comic book industry) in with the rest of the lycra-wearing crowd.

The book goes on to explain that in the current climate, fans demand a certain “reverence” from comic book creators, pointing out that the previously popular genre of parodies are no longer accepted as easily. He goes so far as to compare CosPlayers at Dragon*con to “ancient pagans dressing as objects of their worship.” That’s a kind of facile comparison that’s easy to make…and that cries out for something to back it up. Sadly, we don’t receive that something. But what we do receive is the first herald of a sad trend in this book. I’ll let the text speak for itself. Mr. Knowles states that Dragon*con has “…become notorious for the throngs of beautiful women who swarm there to show off their painstakingly constructed costumes, as well as their Pilates-sculpted figures.” At first glance, it seems like a fair-enough statement – everyone I know that’s been to Dragon*con comes back with stories of scantily clad women in elaborate consumes. I just question the “Pilates-sculpted” description. Why do I question it? Read on, dear reader, read on.

I’m supposed to be writing these reviews to comment on books which contain shoddy scholarship or downright craziness in regards to the Occult or Paranormal, right? Well, for a moment, Constance Parker is taking a holiday. In her place, meet Constance Wollstonecraft, feminist at large. And let me write it plainly for all to see: this book both implicitly and explicitly denigrates women. Repeatedly. Often enough to make a woman with a fairly relaxed view of feminism’s blood boil.

We start with the above quote, with the implications that all women (or at least all women that go to Dragon*con) tone their muscles with Pilates (no offense to those of you who do, by the way.) What follows, sprinkled throughout the book are other misogynistic and male-centric depictions of females. Madame Blavatsky is described as “stout and homely” while none of the other male characters are subjected to a beauty review. The “Occult Superstars” section of the book is devoid of females. Where are the Fox Sisters, Dione Fortune, Madame Blavatsky? (Blavatsky and Fortune are mentioned in other sections, however their omission here is vexing.) No females are mentioned in the Literary Luminaries section. Where’s Mary Shelley?

Finally, in the Bram Stoker section of the Literary Luminaries chapter, we hear mention of Anne Rice. However, while male authors are “inspired” by other male authors, who leave a “legacy” to the writers that come after them, we learn that mean old Anne Rice has “hijacked [Bram Stoker’s] theme.” Males get to influence and be influenced; females apparently “hijack” ideas.

Next is the issue of Margaret Brundage. I’ll admit – I had never heard of her until reading this book. Let’s compare how Mr. Knowles describes her to how she’s described in another source. Knowles mentions her while discussing the cover art of Weird Tales magazine. He tells us that “Weird Tales became notorious for its sexy and surreal cover paintings, particularly those of Chicago housewife Margaret Brundage.” This is how Wikipedia describes good old Margaret: “an American illustrator and painter who is remembered chiefly for having illustrated the pulp magazine Weird Tales.” Later on, Wikipedia mentions that she was the chief cover artist for Weird Tales and continued to work as an artist until her death. That’s some housewife!

Mr. Knowles lumps all female comic book heroes into one chapter, titled “The Amazons.” Apparently, that is the only archetype he can fit females into as far as comics are concerned. Wonder Women is discussed in some detail, with an explanation about how she was primarily a bondage fantasy. He then sweeps fourteen other female characters into a section cunningly titled “And Others Like Her” and proceeds to dismiss them in five short paragraphs. Electra gets her own section, but only so that he can state that her ruthless and aggressive tendencies make her “devoid of a recognizable feminine personality.” He goes so far as to indicate that he is a transgendered character, due to her strength and aggression.

Finally, we come to the issue of the illustrations that adorn the book. The cover art is a parody of the last supper, with one hugely-bosomed female character playing the part of Mary Magdalene. She is the only character without long sleeves on the cover. Out of around 25 illustrations, there are two pictures of female heroes, one of which is a female hero “tied” to a chair and looking distressed. The other illustration is of a trans-gendered Elektra. The other females appearing in illustrations are

• A flapper being saved by a gun-toting detective
• A vampire woman leaping out to attack a male hero.

And, my two personal favorites:

• A space bimbo in a metal bikini staring in startled admiration at a space man’s sword
• A fantasy bimbo in a leather bikini staring in startled admiration at Robert E Howard’s axe.

These pictures say it better than I ever could.

Okay, now I can shove Constance Wollstonecraft into a box in order to talk about how this book measures up when it comes to its Occult content. The sad fact is that it doesn’t. Not a bit. Mr. Knowles has a habit of obtaining his information about the Occult via conspiracy books. He frequently uses the word “Occultic” as if it was a real word. Despite his thesis that most superheros are vestiges of pre-Christian religions that have been promoted by secret societies that comics creators are either members of or knowledgeable about, he rarely draws a clear line between a pre-Christian religion and a specific superhero. What we are left with is a scattered collection of information that never quite hangs together. Our Gods is arbitrary, loosely woven, and will be frustrating to read for anyone who knows anything about the history of the Occult.

My advice? Don’t read past page 7. Actually, don’t even bother with the first seven pages – I am sure there are better histories of the comics industry out there. In fact, I just found this on Amazon.com:

So, in regards to this subject, hope springs eternal. Excelsior!

Update + Bad Craziness Down Under

2008-01-20T08:44:00.000+11:00

Wander over here, if you will, and read this article that appeared in the Brisbane Times. In it, a researcher named Rosemary Aird has announced that "New Age" spirituality may contribute to mental illness.

She determined this by surveying 3700 21-year-olds. You read that right -- 21-year-olds.

Not to mention, she is quoted as saying this:

"People who are into the new-age spirituality tend to shop around and will often borrow from all sorts of old beliefs, like Wicca, witchcraft or Native American religions. It's a whole mish-mash and changes all the time, where they'll do something for a while before doing something else."

The emphasis on old is mine. Wicca started 'round about 1954. If that qualifies for old, what qualifies for new, religiously speaking? A comment like that makes it kind of difficult for me to find confidence in what the lady is saying.

I have other thoughts rattling 'round my head, but that's it for now.

As for Our Gods Wear Spandex, reading that book is like beating myself over the head. But I am slowly working on it. At least I know I'll have lots to say in my review.

Science vs. Spiritual Beliefs

2008-01-08T11:22:00.000+11:00

Guess what? Michael is doin' it wrong.

Here we have this enlightening quote from Are We Still Here?, a self-published philosophical treatise penned by one Michael K. Brier. Mr. Brier is a multi-talented sort -- he writes philosophical (I use the term loosely) books, draws cartoons, and even paints!

I will confess right now that I haven't read the entire book. However, the chapter titled "Section the Eighth - You Actually Believe That?" caught my eye, since it has subsections about Myth, Superstition and Magic. And that's where I found this little gem, which attempts to refute out-of-body experiences:

"In order for us to see something, that thing must absorb light. That is just basic physics. Those who report having an "out-of-body" experience say they can "see" themselves and their surroundings, but if we are not visible to others then we are not absorbing light. If that weren't the case more people would be seeing "spirits". If we are not absorbing light then we wouldn't be able to see anything."

Uh, Mr. Michael? Last I heard, in order for us to see something, it must reflect light. You know, so our eyeballs can then capture the reflected light. If something absorbs light, then we wouldn't be able to see it at all -- kind of like how black holes absorb light so are invisible to the naked eye.

Now the above quote is either 1) poor understanding of how light and vision works or 2) really really bad grammar. If you interpret the first sentence to mean "in order for us to see something, our eyes must be able to absorb light," then things start to make a leetle more sense, but you are left with deciding that "that thing" in the second half or the sentence refers to the "us" in the first half.

It's sad either way, really.

I'm going to blaze through a few more pages of Mr. Brier's little missive and see what else he has to say about Myth and Magic and stuff (I don't think I could stomach the rest -- there is, after all, a portion of the introduction that tells us that sometimes women use their sexuality to....get pregnant. And that's a bad thing! Also, I don't think I could take the various references to how women don't sleep with intelligent men, which is also a bad thing.) If I find anything interesting, I'll update this post.

And YES, I'm working on Our Gods Wear Spandex, I swear!

Already updating:

Later, Michael saves us from superstition by informing us that (among other things):
1) If you make a funny face, it will not stick that way.
2) Ants aren't really that strong because, "the smaller an insect is, the less gravity affects them."
3) If you hold a sea shell up to your ear you will not hear the ocean.
4) This one is a direct quote: "If a woman has hardwood floors (shaved pubic region), she is not able to run faster because there is less drag and she is more aerodynamic."
5) Sex doesn't clear up acne (though he keeps testing that theory anyway).

The last two bits of info are the most telling, in my opinion. First, who the hell uses the euphemism "hardwood floors" to mean "shaved pubic region"?! Second, as well all know, anyone who feels they must publicly declare they are gettin' some on the intar-web, most certainly isn't.

Next Target

2008-01-05T14:58:00.000+11:00

The book that is resting securely in the cross-hairs of my sights is (drum roll please): Our Gods Wear Spandex: The Secret History of Comic Book Heroes. So promising, so exciting -- such a good Christmas present (thanks, Frank)! Yet so disappointing.

Stay tuned to find out why (it's taking me longer than expected to get through it because it annoys me so much).

Treading water in the outer reaches of the intar-web

2008-01-04T10:24:00.000+11:00

Since I live in Nowra now, I couldn't resist doing some research on everyone's favorite local lunatic getting messages from the Virgin Mary while happily nurturing his own cult, Little Pebble.

Apparently, his compound is somewhere near Nowra. I was poking around on one of the official Little Pebble web pages, and I just had to share this quote with you:

"Do not Hindus have their Buddha in their homes?"

Hey, Little Pebble...understanding the basics of other religions -- you're doin' it wrong! You may want to ask the Virgin Mary for a little help differentiating between Hindus and Buddhists the next time she drops by for tea and bikkies.

The best part is that the quote is used (inexplicably) in a response to a question about him being an adulterer and bigamist. You can read the quote in its context here. Just scroll down to the answer to question 11.

The man is a grade-A wing nut -- and though there are many other much more serious (and more scary) problems with his belief structures, I just had to share.

Heck, at least he's in jail now.

Bwahaha!

2007-12-24T08:42:00.000+11:00

Just another quick post.

Someone found this website by googling the phrase "dipshit of the year." This makes me giggle -- a lot.

Really going now -- must drive for many hours through weird Aussie outback to weird Aussie family for weird Aussie Christmas rituals.

Spookily bad stuff...

2007-12-24T08:04:00.000+11:00

Spooked: The Ghosts of Waverly Hills Sanatorium
This review is dedicated to my father, who never once said to me that skepticism is the chastity of the intellect, but who lives that concept every day.

Okay, so, there's this haunted Tuberculosis Sanatorium in Louisville, Ky. You may have heard of it before, since it has been explored by everyone from the people who make Most Haunted to Gary Busey (don't ask). So, what was once my favorite high school freak-out tale has become an international ghost hunting Mecca. I don't mind, really. Especially since the current owners are awesome people who are doing everything that they can to make sure that the grounds and the building stay open to the public.

Th problem is the quality of people that international ghost hunting Meccas attract. See, we had this jackass film maker named Christopher Saint Booth traipse into town to make a horror movie called Death Tunnel, which was filmed on sight at Waverly Hills. Apparently, to help promote the film, which has had questionable success, the same fellow has made a documentary about the paranormal events at Waverly. Before I go on, ole Chris is kind of like Ed Wood but without the charm or sartorial style -- his scruffy hair, dumb silver jewelry and bad hat choices are evidence.

Evidence:

This documentary is called Spooked, and amazingly enough, Frank and I discovered a copy of this gem at Video Ezy here in Nowra. It was a must-rent, not only due to the subject matter (now that I don't live in Louisville any more, I'll watch pretty much anything about Kentucky), but because of the stylish and dignified name of the aforementioned film.

I am sad to report that every single thing that I feared to find in this documentary was found, and then some. First, it wins the Amityville Horror award for internal inconsistencies. Facts are provided to the viewer in white text on a black background at the very start of the film. Almost every single one of those facts are contradicted by the statements made by interview subjects within the following fifteen minutes. It's not necessarily a bad thing that the initial facts are contradicted, because most of them are incorrect, but one has to wonder exactly why the initial facts that are presented were not corrected after obtaining information from interview subjects.

One of the primary interview subjects is sadly, Keith Age, who is the founder of the Louisville Ghost Hunters Society. You get to witness this fellow in his best good-fellah-from-the-holler, yee-haw-ain't-we-havin'-a-time best, as he leads a film crew though the beautiful and sadly run-down sanatorium. You also get to watch him trot out his usual repertoire that he provides to all tour attendees, which include stores about and EVP meter "melting" in one of the treatment rooms and about how ghosts seem to like to throw chunks of cement at him. I'm on the side of the ghosts in this instance, because if Mr. Age came traipsing through my house on a regular basis, waving cheap electronic gizmos and shining laser pointers around, I'd probably throw concrete at him, too.

By now, you may have guessed that I don't care much for Mr. Age. And you'd be correct. I've heard far too many stories about this guy and his cheap but uninspired showmanship to believe a word that comes out of his mouth. He's the type of paranormal researcher who likes to stand in the back of a crowd, stumble into people in front of him, and exclaim that he's just been hit in the back by a rock which was thrown by a mean old ghostie. And, though he claims that he is a skeptic at heart, who is desperately seeking confirmation that the paranormal exists, he'll blithely point at really bad "orb" photos, and insist that they are evidence of the paranormal.

I was afraid that "orb" photos were going to put in an appearance, and I wasn't disappointed. Plenty of them are trotted out in the course of the documentary, along with grainy close-ups up "faces" in the orbs. Not once does the documentary mention the questionable nature of "orb" ghost photos, nor are the viewers provided with information about the weather conditions under which the photos were taken. Other photos are show the the viewer, ranging from images of strange human torsos and faces to misty "ectoplasm" shots, some of which are so obviously cigarette smoke, that I ended up feeling embarrassed for the film makers.

Some of the other interviews were mildly entertaining, especially the ones with two ex-patients of the sanatorium. Hearing about their experiences with Tuberculosis (repeatedly called the "White Plague" in the film), was interesting. They firmly express how good the care they received at Waverly was, despite the sensationalism of the film makers, who repeatedly attempt to intimate that there was something nefarious going on while the building was operated as a Tuberculosis Sanatorium. (They were barking up the wrong tree, abysmal care of patients didn't figure into the building's history until it was reopened as a Nursing Home years later.) There are questionable moments in the editing, in which it appears that certain interview subjects are backing each other up about stories that are patently false. Careful watching allows you to identify these moments fairly easily.

In conclusion, watch Spooked for a piece of Louisville folklore history, because all of the old stories are told, including everything from the nurse who hung herself on the fifth floor in the infamous room 502, to the ghost of a little girl named Mary who haunts the floor below. Or, watch it for the images of Waverly, which are hauntingly beautiful in their desolation. Or even watch it to make fun of Christopher Saint Booth's fashion sense. But don't watch in the hopes of seeing a detailed and well-documented documentary about the paranormal events that are reported to have taken place there, because you certainly won't find that here.

Oh, and Happy Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Yule/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy Holidays, ya'll -- and have a happy New Year, too!

Much love,
Connie

PS: Yeah, I know it was short and not quite as vicious as usual -- but Ms. Connie has been busy doing holiday things and getting engaged and stuff, so deal with it!

Aieeee! Right off the edge of the world!

2007-12-17T08:13:00.000+11:00

Hi folks,

I haven't posted in a terribly long time -- I blame the Holiday Season, which has been kicking my butt. I'd like to say that I'm working on another review, but I haven't even started one yet! *ashamed face*

Howeve, I'll attempt to get myself back into gear ASAP. Until, then. a question for all of you folks out there: If you could own a copy of any book, any edition, what would it be?

Promising to be useful soon,
Constance

Konstantinos: Keeping you in the Dark for a Dime

2007-11-18T14:26:00.001+11:00

Book: Nocturnal Witchcraft
Author: Konstaninos
Publisher: Who else but Llewellyn?

I have a confession to make before I start this review. (And how many reviews do I start out with confessions -- I should really go back and take a look.) Anyway, the confession is this: I started disliking the Konstantinos fellow when I first heard his name a few years back. As I've already mentioned, I have a severe dislike for people who make too much of themselves and providing yourself with a single moniker is a marked indication of someone who thinks a little too much of him or herself. Let's look at the evidence: Sting. Madonna. Prince. Starhawk. (Just kidding on that last one – sheesh, calm down!)

So, let it be known that I hate Konstantinos's name. And I don't really care much for his author's photo, either. When I pick up a book on the occult, I don't want to be reminded of every stupid Goth guy that's ever tried to pick me up in a bar by telling me riveting stories about his forays into the occult darkness. Pardon me for a moment, while I shudder:

Come to think of it, he looks a little like Naboo from the Mighty Boosh without the turban.

Now that that is over, let's get to the review. I'm going to try like heck to make this succinct.

Apparently, K (as I've decided to call him, if I type that damned name over and over again throughout this review, it sure as hell isn't going to be succinct) has decided that Witchcraft in general and Wicca in particular just doesn't attract enough fringe personalities and that our gothic brothers and sisters in the Craft are being left out in the cold. Apparently, it's not enough to drape oneself in pentacle jewellery as a combination Goth/Witch statement. No, no -- he sees the need to create an entire new tradition for our Dark counterparts. A tradition that is called Nocturnal Witchcraft. And he's serious about it too -- so serious that he's busted out at least three books about it over the course of the years.

So, once we get past the appropriately creeeeeepy and goooothic cover art, what do we find? Sadly, not a lot. We first get a cozy little introduction that asks if the reader likes to dress in black (snort, giggle) and likes to wear silver jewellery (chuckle, guffaw). Then, after K is done describing more than half the attendees of any pagan/feminist/gothic/heavy metal (choose one) gathering, he moves on to the really important questions. Do we, as readers, like to be surrounded by the essence of night, by any chance? If the answers to any of these questions is yes, well, we may just be one of the....nightkind. Yeah, you read that right. And yeah, he got paid to write this crap.

Next, we get some blather about the four soul types. A kind of Meyers-Briggs for Goths. The world is divided into four types: Good-light, Evil-light, Evil-dark, and of course...our heroes: the Good-dark. He takes great pains to remind us that Dark doesn't have to mean evil, you know. And some people just happen to resonate completely with darkness rather than light. Balance is so over-rated, you know. We get explanations of three of these four types, but surprisingly, we hear very little about these elusive Good-dark souls. Why? Oh, because we probably already know about the Good-dark soul type. Because, "Good-dark may be someone just like you." And the italics are all his, baby. Apparently, because I picked up this book, I am very likely a Good-dark soul. Kind of like if you pick up a copy of the Watchtower, you must be a Jehovah's Witness.

Now, before we go one tiny step further, I've got a pet peeve that needs some airing out. And who else can I share it with but you, good readers? In these opening chapters, K tells us that magick is often spelled, with a final "k" to differentiate it from stage magic. Thanks for the tip. Okay, Occult and Paranormal world, I know Mr. Crowley was neato-mosquito. And I know he's primarily responsible for slapping that redundant K on the end of MagicK. (Okay, I think it's his fault and I'm too lazy to check -- but I know he was an early-adopter, at the least. He probably stole it from Mathers, anyway.) But I have a bonza idea: why don't we differentiate stage magic from ooky occult magic as follows: If the results are that you pull a rabbit out of a hat, saw a woman in half, or make the Statue of Liberty disappear it's stage magic. If the results are that the demon Asmodian shows up in your basement, your dog and cat switch heads, or you find yourself able to travel through eldritch portals to other worlds, that's not stage magic. Is the damned K really necessary?

Back to work. So, K's little book takes off. We get the same lecture about magical ethics that we get in all books, along with the usual stripped down and over-simplified version of the concept of Karama that you find in all books on Wicca. A note to all you kiddies out there: karma, as it is defined in the cultures and traditions that formed the concept is vastly more complicated and interesting than “tit-for-tat.” Go look it up -- you will be amazed. Then we learn that this is going to be a whole new tradition of magic, with a whole new method of doing things. We even find out that elemental correspondences (heck, correspondences of almost any kind) are unnecessary in this tradition. We, as Nightkind, only use the following correspondences: Silver or White for the moon, Black for the Gothic darkness, and the phases of the moon. This is nocturnal witchcraft and who needs those crazy correspondences? Well, except for casting circles. We'll use 'em for that. Ahem.

Next, we get a brief run-down of all the Wiccan sabbats. The descriptions are short and virtually no information regarding a Nocturnal tradition is provided. Get used to that, it becomes a theme.

We learn to make a Nocturnal Altar next. I'll try not to give anything away in case you haven't read through to the end, but here's a tip: every single magical tool and altar accoutrement is... chartreuse! Oh wait, chartreuse is just in Constance's little fantasy world. Actually, everything should be black blackety black black black. The blackest black that ever blacked, in fact. A big black attack! Did I mention black? Black altar cloth, censor, candles, ritual clothing, candle holders, etc., etc., etc. The only non-black item is whatever god or goddess representation you put on the altar (I guess so that you don't keep knocking them off your altar because they blend in with all the other black). I'm glad we got that squared away. This is a whole new tradition, you know -- so we have to get our altar items taken care of so that we can do all of this uniquely nocturnal magical stuff! Gee, being a Nightkind is grand! I think I'll go paint my toilet paper black so that it won't taint my gothic bottom. Good lord, I think I just found my Craft name: Gothic Bottom!

The chapter on Reaching the Dark Divine has nothing to do with the drag queen that used to appear in John Waters movies. This made Connie sad. It does, however, include a lot of lazy scholarship, and that made Connie even sadder. I wept through the entire chapter; I'm woman enough to admit it. In this chapter, K discusses evoking and invoking God forms. Except, he doesn't call it evoking and invoking God forms. He calls both methods invoking, and then throws in assuming god forms to muddy things up further.

Next we move into Circles of Night and Lunar Light, which contains a twenty five step process for casting a Nocturnal Circle which is completely indistinguishable from any other circle a Wiccan may cast. Well, except for the fact that he encourages you to start with a banishing, which is awfully nice and ceremonial of him, but which doesn’t really add anything new or Nocturnal to the process. He also encourages a lot of the “invoking” he describes in the previous chapter, which isn’t really Wiccan, but is still well-established Ceremonial Magic. So what we have so far is Ceremonial Magic light with some Wicca thrown in for flavour. I’m still waiting for the special Nocturnal bits.

And there you have the first whole section of the book. Now, if you are a generous soul like me, you may be thinking that maybe, just maybe, the first section of the book was a general primer on magic and the real slick Nocturnal stuff may appear in the second segment: Mind Powers after Dark. If you are that generous of a soul, let me apologize in advance for disappointing you.

K starts out the second section by telling us that the primary benefit of being a Nightkind (he doesn’t use the term here, I think even he was embarrassed to keep repeating it) is that you’ll keep late hours and have access to what he calls the “psychic quiet hours.” He claims that from the hours of three to five in the morning, people generate a lot less psychic activity and that these hours are calmer and more conducive to magical practice. To this I say two things: First, Mr. K has never come into contact with crazy thought forms produced by vivid dreaming. Second, if someone thinking real hard nearby is going to throw you off your magical game, you may need to rethink your interests. This chapter is just sad. K mentions several times throughout the book and specifically in this chapter that the methods he is imparting to us have never been written about before. I don’t know if he’s never picked up a book by another author on the Occult or if he just enjoys lying. Perhaps he thinks he may manage to alter reality if he keeps insisting that this information is somehow new or innovative. We progress from learning a zen-like basic method for clearing the mind to learning a way to raise energy by recalling various memories, including “a decently fond memory.” I’ve always dreamed of taking magical instruction from someone who sounds like a fifteen year old, haven’t you? We move on to learn about autosuggestion and basic visualization techniques, chakra meditation (though he never calls it that), and some positive thinking is thrown in. The information that he does provide and which I’ve not seen elsewhere is a ridiculously eye-straining method to enhance your visualization skills by staring at a candle without blinking and squinting a lot.

At this point, my brain was melting with the effort of attempting to figure out why the hell people ever buy a second book that K has written. I’m not going to subject you to a review of the Divining by Night chapter. Instead, I’ll share my raw notes with you:

* A nocturnal magician never eats, he or she always partakes.
* Various visualization and scrying techniques, none of which are new or interesting.
* A previously unpublished way to walk down the street!

I know that you’re wishing that I stuck to the bulleted format for the remainder of the review, but since I had to read this dross, you get to suffer along with me. The entire next chapter is all about using an old stage mentalism trick to fool yourself into thinking you can read minds. No lie. The method involves spending a lot of time harassing your friends and acquaintances into letting you “experiment” on them, and the whole thing revolves around using body tells to find things. I suppose this is so that you can find your “nocturnal portal” when your friends hide it from you. (Don’t ask – a nocturnal portal isn’t interesting and is poorly defined throughout the book and who gives a damn anyway.) K moves on to teaching us how to read minds without physically touching someone in the next chapter. Sadly, this apparently involves flashing the person a visual queue or saying something to make the person think of what you want to “divine” and then using a mental form of dowsing to figure out their reaction. He actually suggests flashing photographs at your “unsuspecting” subjects – or even popping suddenly into their field of vision. He encourages people to “casually” flash random items at people or fix them with stares so as to “pull forward” the thought in question. I just have to share an exerpt here:

“…perform the following actions in a subtle manner:

Slightly extend your
hand, perhaps just a finger or two. This should appear to someone watching as if
you were about to raise a point but got interrupted.

Now, with your
fingertips inches away from the two (for now) astral representations of possible
choices or answers to your question begin to move slowly back and forth over
each…”

Subtle. No really. I will live the rest of my life with the image of desperate Goths running up to people, flashing a picture at them, and staring at them while gesticulating wildly. Mind dowsing: guaranteed to make you a social outcast at any gathering. Thanks, K, you’ve made my life that much brighter.

On to our third section: Nocturnal Magick. The other two sections sure weren’t about it, so maybe we will luck out with this last one, right?

Right off the bat, K tells us that “The Dark Craft is only accessible by those willing to undergo the special mental training explored in part two.” That sounds promising, though that does mean I’ll have to become a spastic stage mentalist with permanently ruined vision. Hey, I thought he told me earlier that I was a Nightkind just for picking up this book! I knew it was too good to be true. Time to go change back to plain white toilet paper.

Anyway, K tells us how to write rituals in this chapter, and how magic works and blah blah blah – yet, he still doesn’t tell us anything in particular that would set this practice apart from any other form of Wicca. The following chapter is all about lucid dreaming, and yes, once again, there is nothing new under the sun (or under the mysterious ether of the nocturnal night time magic, whichever you prefer, you Nightkind, you.)

Eventually, K gets to the point where he’s telling us to use thought forms, which is pretty interesting and something you don’t see in a book on Wicca every day. But there’s nothing new here. Well, except during the part where he recommends that in order to get in touch with your childlike sense of wonder, you should hit some clubs and listen to some good music. He prefers Goth clubs, but I bet you guessed that already. He informs us that there is a reason these clubs are called nightclubs, after all, and so all Nightkind should take advantage of them. Thanks for the tip, K. He also recommends slumber parties. Go figure. I’m leaving this chapter now, kthnkxbai.

Okay, this is the last chapter I’m talking about because I am sick to death of this ridiculous book. Dark Mystique, Magnetism, and Suggestion. K tells us it’s a harsh world out there for those with our super-rare soul type. We are misunderstood and may even be feared! (Yeah, you wish, Goth boy.) He recommends that we maintain our “dark mystique” by keeping our mouths shut about being a Witch, so that people won’t thwart our magical attempts with negative thought forms. I’d imagine it’s also so that people don’t dissolve into hysterical laughter when you tell them you’re a nocturnal witch. That could really hurt a person’s confidence and may require more nightclubbing to remedy. Luckily, even though you have to keep your mouth shut, K assures us that the dark magical powers you work with will attract people and mystify them. You can increase this dark magnetism by pretending that normal actions require magical willpower. So, before opening a door, see yourself do it, then raise energy, and finally open that door quickly and with severity. K also says you can use illusions or suggestions to influence people with your ooky dark powers.

So, what do we have when we look at Nocturnal Magick as a whole? Well, we have a whole bunch of basic techniques wrapped up in a veneer of pseudo-goth culture and nocturnal heebie-jeebies, presented to us by a long-haired fellah with a questionable writing style and no real concept of the tradition he claims to have created. My dear friend Greybeard tells me he has had individuals claim that they are following this tradition, and that makes me sad. Because this tradition consists solely of calling yourself a “Nocturnal Witch” and buying into the complete bullshit this guy has to offer.

To sum this "tradition" up, a quote from my beloved and staunchly Christian boyfriend: "It's like practicing regular Witchcraft, only you don't have to stop pretending you're a vampire." And people ask me why I love him.

The Worst Witch DVD = The Best Special Features

2007-11-07T09:25:00.000+11:00

Last night, Ivan (aka Greybeard) and I went to Wild and Wooly Video in order to pick up some movies to watch with Magpie. We intended to rent Clue and The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. We picked up both of those movies (after an embarrassing time of looking for Priscilla under Comedy, Drama, Gay and Lesbian Interest and just about every other category, until the nice man behind the counter gently reminded us that the movie is filed under A, not P). Then, on our way to the checkout counter, I saw a DVD that brought me right back to my childhood: The Worst Witch.

The Worst Witch, if you have never seen it, is a bizzaro train-wreck of a children's movie, starring a very young Fairuza Balk, 10 years prior to her role in The Craft. In this movie, she plays the worst witch at an International Witchs' School which is run by the woman who played Mrs. Garret in the Facts of Life. She is joined by Tim Curry, who plays the "Grand Wizard" of the witchy world. He doesn't have a lot of screen time allotted to him in the movie -- he appears throughout primarily in photos which the girls in the school cherish like Backstreet Boys memorabilia and spend a lot of time kissing. (It's all kinds of wrong -- especially since I kept expecting him to show up in a crazy KKK outfit every time they called him the "Grand Wizard" -- growing up in the South does things to you.)

The movie takes a turn towards the very, incredibly, mind-bendingly wrong near the end, when Tim shows up as the Grand Wizard and does an absolutely insane, oh-my-gods-did-someone-slip-me-hallucinogens song and dance routine.

Which, of course, I am going to share with you right now, through the wonders of YouTube. Keep in mind that we have the lady who played Mrs. Garret running around not only playing Mrs. Cackle, the headmistress of the school, but also playing her pink-haired evil twin from Alabama, who is trying to take over the school. And then this happens:

Holy crap, did you just see that? Yes, I assure you, you did. And the Grand Wizard wants to know if anybody's seen his tambourine.

So, of course, Greybeard and I took home the Worst Witch so the three of us could watch it and be amazed and terrified by the downright creepiness of it all. Once the movie was over, and Greybeard and Magpie had somewhat recovered from what I just subjected you all too, we took a look at the DVD special features.

When it comes to old made-for-tv movies, you know what to expect on the special features portion of the DVD: maybe a stills gallery if you are lucky, or the movie trailer/commercials. Not so with the Worst Witch! There is an entire section of the Special Features about how to cast spells. It covers (briefly but accurately) how to cast a spell, sacred space, herbs to use for various purposes, essential oils to use for various purposes, color correspondences, gem correspondences and magical tools (including athames and pentacles).

We we staggered, we were stunned. We were puzzled and amused. Can you imagine that kind of content being included in the special features section of a Harry Potter DVD? The uproar that would ensue! The furor! But here it hides in plain sight, in the backwaters of the children's Halloween repertoire -- just waiting to be discovered by a precocious 10-year-old.

You just have to smile.

....Halp! Is toad in me bass! Is no can be! Is tambourine tiems now!

"I don't even know if new jersy is a city.

2007-11-04T21:12:00.000+11:00

From Prophecies, A Psychic Prediction Registry, we get this missive:

"I fear that sometime between now and early next year there will be a event
that will create change on many levels. I see people moving fleeing to another
place of safety. I feel that a terror threat or something linked to terror will
cause this migration. I got the feeling that not all is apparent the govement i
hidding many secrets. I have had many dreams about being surrounded by Nuclear
explosions. I think the city might be in americia or london. This city is either
the eastside or it is south west unitied states. I think washington or New
jersy.

I dont even know if new jersy is a city. London maybe will be flooded. I
like to think that it wont and can be prevented but this is my predition. Maybe
this is the cause of migratution. Could be many years away. But i feel it will
acure in the winter or on a cold day. Not all see doom and gloom cause these
changes create heroism and unity.

Something in space waits to come. it is neither good or evil. It can create
both. Dont know what this is but i feel it will be a comet or astroid. "

I can see the future! But I can't tell if new jersy is a city!

5 Weird Reasons Why I Love Louisville

2007-10-26T21:28:00.000+10:00

1. Pope Lick Goat Man:

There’s a train trestle that runs over several roads that are fairly close to my parents’ house. And there is a goat man that haunts that bridge! Legend has it that a fearsome half-man, half-goat creature haunts this lonely trestle that arches ominously over Pope Lick Road. (Before you think that we Kentuckians use street names as religious commentary, a “lick” refers to a natural deposit of salt that animals like to come…well, lick.) There are many origin stories for this wretched creature, my favorite is that the goat man was a circus performer and his own circus train ran over him one dark creepy night, decapitating him in the process. He replaced his lost head with that of a goat, and there you have it – goat man! (This version of the legend doesn’t even appear in the Wikipedia entry, which you can check out here.)

The sad part of this story is that teenage boys, high on hormones and adrenaline, occasionally try to walk across this trestle and often get hit by trains – go figure. Never underestimate the stupidity of teenage boys.

For your edification, you can watch an independent movie about the trestle and the goat man, if you can find a copy. It's called The Legend of the Pope Lick Monster, and if you live in the 'Ville, you can rent a copy at Wild and Wooly video.

For your further edification, you can check out this picture of the Goat Man by Jeffrey Scott Holland. I think it's the creepiest, and therefore the best.

2. Potential Satanist Church:

In high school (particularly Catholic High School), there's nothing like the story of a Satanic Church hidden in the back waters of a suburb on the fringe of the Metro area to make you want to...jump in a car and go looking for it. Turns out, it was supposedly right near the Pope Lick Trestle, where the Goat Man roamed. So, we would pile into the car and take off into the night to look for it. All we ever found was a bunch of satanism-themed graffiti (probably done by other bored teenagers that couldn't find this church). Now that I look back on it, I wonder what we thought were were going to find? A little white board church with an upside down cross on top and a changeable-type sign out front that said "First Union Satanist Church - Newcomers Scarified Daily"?

3. Waverly Hills Sanatorium:

This one is the biggie, the one that nearly everyone has heard about. And it is supposedly the most haunted site in the country/the world (take your pick.) It probably is the most haunted site in Kentucky, and probably the region (but not the creepiest, I'm saving that for last).

Waverly started out as a tuberculosis sanatorium, and was hugely expanded during the tuberculosis epidemics that swept through Kentucky 1920's. It's history (along with the sheer number of deaths that took place during the height of the epidemic -- some people say 1 death an hour) and it's subsequent conversion into a nursing home in which the residents were often neglected and mistreated makes for ripe haunting grounds.

And haunted it is. There are the ghostly children that play outside on the grounds. There's the eerily haunted Room 502, which contain the ghosts of two suicides. There are the eerie black shadow people that populate the upper floors. There's the ghostly kid I saw peering out a window of the third floor. There's the glowing old lady in a wheel chair I saw on the 4the floor. And those are just a few of the ghostly creatures meant to inhabit this place.

Waverly has appeared on more "hauntings" TV shows than you can shake a stick at.

I've visited many times and taken rolls and rolls of pictures. (You can get guided tours through the place). I'll post some pictures in the future. The building is in terrible disrepair due to previous owners who wanted to get it condemned so they could knock it down. The current owners are slowly refurbishing it, bit by bit.

A horror movie has been made which used Waverly as a set. It's called Death Tunnel, but I've not seen it yet -- I bet you could pick up a copy at Wild and Wooly Video.

However, a local writer (and old friend of mine) produced a War of the Worlds-type radio play called Live At Waverly Hills, which I thoroughly enjoyed (probably because I performed in it.)

4. Fatal 48

This is fire call box number 48, which was located at 6th and Main street in downtown Louisville, and the site of many many fatal fires (statistcally more than there should be at one call box).

5. Eastern Cemetery

It's a little cemetery on Baxter Avenue here in Louisville that was started in 1843. By 1858, graves were already being reused. Yeah, you read that right -- reused. Whole sections have been renamed, resold, and reburied multiple times throughout the cemetery's history.

This is, by far, one of the creepiest places in town, despite the fact that cemeteries usually are not home to a lot of haunting phenomena. It's also home to the coolest grave stone I've ever seen.

The sad part of this story is that due to repeated mismanagement by various management companies, the cemetery is largely uncared for -- except for the efforts of locals and those who have family buried there. The chapel and columbarium at the back of the cemetery is now home for gangs and homeless people regularly camp out on the grounds.

Still in the 'Ville

2007-10-26T20:39:00.000+10:00

I'm still stitting (somewhat) happily in Louisville, eating lots of good food and having various occult-themed adventures. I do miss my partner, though, and I'm looking forward to seeing him ASAP.

I've been particularly lazy and I've not reviewed a damned thing, even though I have access to my entire book collection now. I think maybe a Konstantinos book review is in order, now let's see if I actually do it before I fly home!

This weekend, I am off to a Samhain festival with Greybeard and Magpie -- in the pouring rain! I bought my vary own rainsuit and Magpie has kindly provided me with some gollashes, so I won't be sopping wet (hopefully). The fest is being hosted by Circle of the Blue Moon and I'm really looking forward to it, despite the need to become one with the dampness and the more watery elements of nature.

Tol, my beloved, sent me a link to HeroMachine 2.5, so I presnt you with this completely true-to-life, not-enhanced-in-any-way, totally honest self portrait:

Hmmm...perhaps I should have gone with a Devereux-esque fadora? One wonders...

blink blink Where am I?

2007-10-16T15:36:00.000+10:00

I'm back in my old stomping grounds for the next month or so, that's where! Connie is visiting friends and family in Kentucky. So, my posts will be erratic, if best. For those of you in the back, muttering about my posts always being erratic, you can just shut the hell up.

You may be wondering what is on my agenda as I traipse around Kentucky. Well, my schedule is a doozy. Here's what I hope to accomplish:

1. One or more visits to Eastern Cemetery in Louisville, KY. It's one of my favorite spots in town and *very* haunted. To add to the usual weirdness factor, my Mother may be interested in going with me.

2. A visit to Waverly Hills Sanitorium, the most haunted site in the state (some people say the World, but hello -- Glamis Castle, anyone?) Mom has also expressed interest in this excursion, but she's thinks she won't come. Actually, this may be impossible, as they appear booked for the rest of the year. And have suffered an attack of organization and restructuring of tours, to boot! I may throw myself on their mercy and give them a call, and beg, but it looks doubtful. They have done a fantastic job restoring the place, though, so I'd love to contribute some cash to the cause.

4. Any other trouble of an occult/paranormal bent that I can get into.

As for now, I am off to bed!

The snark is prising

2007-10-08T09:07:00.000+10:00

More Dark is Rising news.

Thanks to steve b, I found this lovely banner on shanaqui's livejournal, where there is call for a boycott:

Though, as one of steve's commenters points out, we aren't really sure what we are "saving" the books from, I do like the idea in principle.

The Who is Whating?

2007-10-05T10:06:00.000+10:00

Stolen from IMDB board again: "The preview clips are bad. And the movie will be beyond imagining..."

You know what? I hate spoilers. They can totally ruin a movie.

Know what else? I don't give two damns if I ruin Walden Media's The Dark is Rising/The Seeker: The Dark is Rising/The Seeker/Willie and the Old Ones Go to Camp/Whatever the hell they call it next week for anyone.

So, going by a post on the IMDB message board for the movie, I'd just like to share the following with you true believers out there:

1. There is no Walker.

2. There is no Sign of Fire.

3. The sixth sign is Will's soul.

I'm not making that up. Hell, I don't think I could make that up if I tried.

I am beyond words. In fact, I'm wondering if someone substituted my birth control pills with hallucinagins this morning. (If you did, thanks, but I'm having a horrible trip!)

Further reports from early movie watchers:

1. The Book of Gramarye does not appear in the film. Will uses Google to find out about the Light and Dark. I hope he remembered to check Wikipedia!

2. No, really -- the Walker is NOT in the moive. In fact, he's become like the ball in a cup and ball magic trick. He's there! They've hired an actor! No, he's there! He's in the trailer! Now he's over here! Can you find him?! He's gone! Check out this Youtube video for clarification:

3. Yes, in the movie, Will does indeed have twin.

4. From a review by Stephen Farber for Hollywood Review, we find out that "There's one scary sequence with an army of snakes led by an albino cobra."

This quote from a review by Marc Fennell sums it up nicely:

“Dear Mr Peter Jackson – Im writing to you cos I'm wonderin... if I asked
very nicely... could you run a masterclass on 'how to make a decent epic film'
so we never, ever have to watch another movie like The Seeker: The Dark is
Rising"
I'm stopping now. Because I started reading Over Sea, Under Stone a few days ago and I'm up to Silver on the Tree. Time to go spend some time with the real Will Stanton, sans twin.

I heard mention that a someone on the IMDB message boards is working on organising a sympathy gift/consolation gift for Susan Cooper from her fans. I'm trying to get more informaiton about that project.

Okay, I lied. Holy crap -- I just saw a scene in which Will throws Max at a sheep in the middle of a circa-1600s villiage while they are dressed in present-day clothes and no one is paying any attention to them whatsoever. Silly me! I forgot about Will's hawt brother-tossing powahs of the light! How could I?!

His name....is not important!

2007-10-05T07:59:00.000+10:00

Who would have known Zartibartflast was a musician, magician and a bastard?

Thanks to steve b*, scion of eeeeevil, I read a short excerpt of the Double D's Hunter's Moon. That, in case you are wondering, is David Devereux's brand new novel, which I mentioned in a post from yesterday.

He's a musician, he's a magician, he's a bastard -- he's John Constantine with a kazoo! Hellboy with a harmonica! Awesome!

Actually, it's kinda sorta [(JC + HB)-(Cool+Demon)]*JB = DD (Feel free to take a stab at the abbreviations. First one to get it gets a prize!)

Great, instead of the arithmetic of desire, I've created the algebra of aversion. And this is just from reading a paragraph.

I tell you, I will nawt (Kentucky accent) pay for that there book (under any circumstances where DD will get money for it). I'll have to wait to find it used or in ceiling-high stacks in some remainder store. Which was where I found copies of Memoirs of an Exorcist, come to think of it. Funny, that.

*Despite being a scion of eeeevil (give or take a few e's) steve b has a great post about Burma on his blog.

***

Don't you just hate it when you get a good idea for a post after you publish it?! I sure do. So I'm editing this one to include some choice quotes from various reviews of Hunter's Moon.

First, backing up the Mary Sue accusation, we have this quote from a review by Richard Larson:

Devereux does little to show that Jack is human, choosing instead to
impress us with Jack's power and his astounding ability to get out of every
situation without even a scratch while those around him fail miserably, and
suffer for it.

In the "Where do I sign up to read this gem?" category, Larson also tells us:

Hunter's Moon ultimately presents an imbalanced conflict between men and
women, introducing us to a hyper-masculine hero who demonizes women,
manipulating them and torturing them and killing them.

...maybe I should have added a (PB - American) to my equation above. (Extra bonus points, folks!)

***

This next part is just funny. Here's the link to a fawning review on Greame's Fantasy Review blog. Why so fawning? Because he "was lucky enough to win a book review competition" and his review is actually included in the book!

Ladies and gentlemen, that is certainly the way to get quality reviews in your book -- run a competition to attract the desperate unpublished! Woot! Tacky Fedora off to you, David. You win publishing.

***

And, sadly -- those are all the reviews I could find.

But I did check his MySpace page and see that he's considering going to Toowoomba, which is in Queensland. 'Scuse me for a moment while I do a brief ritual to keep him out of NSW....

Fashion! Turn to the left! Fashion! Right!

2007-10-04T14:06:00.000+10:00

They are the goon squad and...yeah, yeah, you know the rest.

You can blame a post on The Wild Hunt blog. Apparently, fashion designers are turning to "witchcraft, voodoo, and satanism" for runway inspiration. I checked out some of the photos...and ended up thinking this:

Annnd this:

Annnnd finally:

Thanks to I Can Has Cheez Burger and roflbot!!1! for the lolcat image makers they has.

Satanism delared the new black -- film at 11.

This is Connie, hoping this qualifies as Satire. ;)

You're doin' it wrong...

2007-10-04T13:30:00.001+10:00

I found this on Ebay a few months ago. Someone didn't read very closely while posting their auction:

I went to Sydney with Dalim and Anjel yesterday and accidentally touched David Devereux's new novel. Yes, you did read that correctly: the Double D has written a novel. It's okay, though -- I wiped my hands off on Dalim's shirt.

I did manage to read the back of the book, and it looks like...yes, indeed, it looks like it's the adventures of Mary Sue in the Occult world. I wait with bated breath to get my hands on a copy I don't have to pay for in order to review it.

A Pleiadian Pamphlet to Proceed Precipitously From

2007-09-19T13:25:00.000+10:00

Sooo...how ya'll doin'?
Yes, I know, I'm dreadfully late. It will probably not shock you to discover that not only am I late with a post of any substance, it also isn't on the book I said it would be. I hang my head in shame. I am currently rewriting my latest big review – I finished over half of it and decided I wanted to do it a different way, so here we sit.

To make up for the scarcity of content, I bring to you the following pictorial review of the pamphlet Pleiadian Science and New Age Technology, which is brought to us by Pyradyne International.

Title: Pleiadian Science and New Age Technology
Author: They don't really say, and with good reason
Publisher: Pyratech Public Relations
Found: In Anne's Bookshop here in Nowra

First, let's take a look at the cover of this winner:

I don't know what it is about privately published books on the paranormal or other "fringe" topics, but they always seem to have hired the worst illustrator imaginable. This can be seen in the first version of Mutant Message from Down Under -- and it can be seen here, in the cover of this little missive.

According to the information on one of the first pages, we find out that pollution has increased the carbon dioxide levels on the planet, which has increased the humidity, which has increased the number of cases of AIDS. Wait, what? You heard me (or rather, Wingnut Incorporated). Pollution and the resultant humidity increase has exacerbated the AIDS problem

There's a bunch of other health problems plaguing us today, and not just humidity-induced AIDS, of course. There's acid rain , depletion of the ozone layer (which weakens our immune system, dontchaknow?), various types of bad energy from radioactivity to electromagnetic radiation and microwaves, and the fact that we are growing our veggies in soil that is 50% depleted of minerals!! (Their words, my exclamation points.)

What is a healthy and conscious member of society to do? Well, you're supposed to wear one of these, of course:

Throw away your tinfoil hats -- welcome to the future of boarder line paranoid-schizophrenic headwear! Introducing the Pyradome (pictured left) and Powerdome (pictured right)!

The Raydome (balanced oh-so-joyfully on our male model's head) is supposed to
not only give you deep relaxation and balance, but to stabilize high blood
pressure! (Note how carefully the word "stabilize" is used rather than
"reduce" or "lower." Someone had a lawyer that was paying attention.)

The Powerdome (on our slightly dazed female model's head) is supposed to detoxify the brain (that may explain her expression), activate your meditation centers, give "tremendous energy" and increase your psychic abilities.

Will wonders never cease?

Apparently not, because there are many more fine products pictured in this missive, from the Firedome (relieves arthritis!) and Raydome (gives a "balanced appetite!") to the Vitamid (put your fruit under it so that it gets the vitamins it didn't get while growing!) to the overly complex Antenna Systems (we'll get into those in a bit.)

But, first, let's take a closer look at this bruhaha, shall we? It's a mix of old 70's pyramid power beliefs, gussied up with a dash of Orgone therapy, a nod to Chakras, and a pinch of negative ion generators. A veritable smorgasbord of kookiness! Which means we are treated to many pages of bizarre, yet complex and entertaining line drawings:

Throughout, we are assured that this "New Age Science" is the future of humanity because it does not "go against nature." We are also informed that our ancestors were "well versed in the practical application of Time and Space" (what a relief!) and that our sun rotates around the Central Spiritual Sun which is called Alcyone and is located in the Pleiadies.

Luckily, Fred Bell, H.M.D, is in contact with the Pleiadians, among other extraterrestrials, so he and his organization can help us wear weird shit on our heads and waste money on expensive and ugly metal sculptures! (That is, when he's not "touring the world partly as a NEW AGE musicien, party as an author and lecturer..." The misspelling and the random caps are all theirs, baby.)

So we get some more intriguing drawings like this:

And then comes the big sell to convince us intrepid readers that we really really need a setup like this:

Because, you know, everyone needs a six-foot tall metal pyramid in their house. I wonder why no one told her she was sitting off-center? Maybe it has something to do with secret New Age Science information we are not privy to?

I hope you enjoyed this eerie tour through kooksville with me. If you haven't had enough, you can always check out the Pyradyne Website, which has a lovely and relaxing ambient soundtrack which turns REALLY CREEPY about 1 minute into it! Yikes!

This is Connie, signing off to go polish her tin foil hat.

An Award for...David Sexton?

2007-09-15T16:30:00.000+10:00

Good old David Sexton wins the patented Spooked Good Sport Award (the not-so-famous SGSA) for this comment he posted in answer to my review of The Marvel Tarot. Check it out for his responses to some of my points and for some of his observations on Magic in the Marvel Universe.

And YES, I'm still working on the next review -- I swear! ;)

Nope, the review isn't complete

2007-09-11T14:21:00.000+10:00

And I don't care.

Because of this: Madeleine L’Engle, Writer of Children’s Classics, Is Dead at 88.

Yeah, I know it was a few days ago, but I just found out today.

The creator of Sandy, Dennys, Charles Wallace, Meg, Calvin, and the delightful Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who, and Mrs. Which is gone.

She was one of the greats and I miss her already.

Aiiieee! (and then she fell off the face of the earth!)

2007-09-09T17:34:00.000+10:00

I haven't been aimlessly slacking off, I swear! I've been hard at work getting almost nothing done, instead! (I'm not sure which is worse...)

I've managed to plow through two potential books for review here on the site -- and neither of them where quite as full of wingnuttery and inaccuracy as this site requires. So, I had to release them back into the wild. The good news is that I found a book that comes close to equaling Memoirs of an Exorcist in its sheer badness. And I am nearly half-way done with the review. Expect the finsihed review on Monday or Tuesday. And then I'll be on the hunt for my next victim!

A meme ripped fromt he pages of Anjel's blog

2007-09-03T10:05:00.001+10:00

1. Total number of books I own:
I honestly have no idea. If I count the ones on another continent, around 12-14 boxes worth in my parent's basement. As for the ones here in Aus, probably only around 30-40, but that number is growing quickly!

2. Last book I bought:
Herbal Remedies byMary Thorne Quelch, published 1945 was the last book that was rung up on my book shopping trip with Anjel and Dalim.

3. Last book I read:
Fiction: The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett (I needed to read a no-brainer book).
Non-Fiction: Mediumship: A Beginner's Guide by Leo Gough (It wasn't as wretched as I expected it to be!)

4. Book you intend to read next:
Fiction: The Lives of Shadows by Barbara Hodgson
Non-Fiction: Occult Investigation: Real cases from the files of X-investiations

5. Five books that mean a lot to me:
All five of the Dark is Rising Series by Susan Cooper:
Under Sea, Over Stone
The Dark is Rising
Greenwitch
The Grey King
Silver on the Tree

and if that just counts as one...(hehe
The Trixie Belden Series
The Secret Teachings of the Ages by Manly P. Hall
Time Enough for Love by Robert Heinlein
The Gate to Women's Country by Sheri S. Tepper

Up to my eyebrows in books!

2007-08-31T13:56:00.000+10:00

Hi everyone,

Just a quick post to let you know that thanks to Dalim and Anjel, who took me second hand book shopping yesterday, I'm up to my neck in books to read and possibly review.

I had already picked up Annie Wilder's House of Spirits and Whispers and Bob Johnson's Occult Investigation: Real cases from the files of X-investiations from the public library. Then those two whisked me off to a used book store here in town where I was able to find:

Pleidian Science and New Age Technology by Pyradyne International. (A really bad pamphlet-type book that appears to be about how wearing pyramids on your head is a good thing.)
Witchcraft and Sorcery edited by Max Marwick (A scholoarly collection of writings about ancient and modern witchcraft around the world -- looks pretty good, so a review of it probably won't end up on this site.)
Herbal Remedies by M.T. Quelch (A nice old hadbacked book published 1945 which is primarily about medical herbalism and health. And, apparently, what colors to make your baby's clothes.)
Mediumship: A Beginner's Guide by Leo Gouch (A how-to guide on mediumship -- could be good or bad...I'm betting bad.)
The Ancient Modern Witch by Marion Weinstein (The text of a talk given in 1990 in Greenwich Villiage about witchcraft.)
Witchcraft & Magic: Sercets of the occult world revealed, a book that doesn't admit to having an author, so you know it has to be a good candidate for this site.

So I'm busy busy busy at the moment. Hopefully, I'll settle down and give a decent review about one of these or about my new Youtube finds soon!

I saw the bad moon rising

2007-08-29T13:11:00.000+10:00

Though it wasn't really bad -- it looked quite lovely. Here are some photos I took of the full lunar eclipse that took place last night.

I've always heard people say that there was a rabbit in the moon, but I never saw it until last night!

In case you are wondering, the moon was eclipsed in Pisces and Virgo last night.

And yes, at the height of the eclipse, I went out and beat on a soup pot with a wooden spoon to scare away the dragon that was eating the moon. That made Frank giggle.

My Eyes, My Burning Eyes - Or - Connie Visits YouTube Part I (Introduction)

2007-08-27T10:16:00.000+10:00

The other afternoon, I was reminded of an old comedy song by Adam Sandler. The song is called "Voodoo" and it has the resounding chorus of "Voodoo spell on you! Voodoo, voodoo!" I wanted Frank to hear it, so like a good little child of the 21st Century, I wandered over to YouTube to see if it was there. Sadly, it wasn't there, so Frank had to endure my a capella rendition, thanks to the lyrics posted here.

Though I didn't find what I was looking for, I did manage to find about a metric ton of videos on the paranormal and the occult. I couldn't resist taking a look. I assumed that I might find a wide variety of home-grown wingnuttery and I was not disappointed! From videos on "Christian Voodoo" to conspiracy theories that combined 911, Mr. Crowley, and the Tarot -- YouTube has everything.

So, for a change of pace, I present to you a miniseries of bad YouTube video reviews for your edification and possible complete and abject terror. I'll say it now: if any of these videos cause you, a loved one, or cherished pet to go hide under the couch, don't come running to me.

I figure that this will run for at least two more posts, possibly three. So, don't hate me, die-hard book readers. This opportunity was just too good to miss.

***
First, let me just mention the Christian Voodoo videos, which have been created to promote a book by the same name. The author of the book and perpetrator of the videos is Eric Gibbons, an artist and gallery owner who lives in New Jersey. I don't want to reveal much of the content, because this man's book is now on the top of my review list. And you will see why once you peruse some of these videos, which include the rustle of turning pages in the back ground as accompaniment to the scratchy voice over.

The two high points in the videos are when the author/narrator/artist at large mispronounces words. According to Mr. Gibbons, the word "biblomancy" is pronounced "bib-lee-o-macy" and the word "attributed" is pronounced "a-tri-booted."

Though these videos, you too can learn that horseshoes are lucky because they are C-shaped and stand for the word Christ. Wait, what?

If you have the intestinal fortitude for more, here is Lovsart2's (aka Eric Gibbon's) channel page.

***

Next we come to the paranoid and vaguely disturbing world of Satanic Hand Signs of the Global Elite. In this video, you can watch, not-so-entranced, as you are presented with still photos of various famous people flashing the horned hand (aka mano cornuta). You know, this thing:

Whoweareinchrist (catchy name), the producer of this 5 minutes pseudo-entertainment, is claiming that being pictured giving the mano cornuta is sure evidence of being a satanic, free masonic conspirator! So, among the pictures of Kid Rock (oh, no! He's on their side! All is lost!) and Paul McCartney (this explains the evil of Band on the Run quite nicely), there are many pictures of members of the Bush family.

One problem with this theory is that good old Dubya (though he is indeed, evil) is a Texan and shares a state with the University of Texas at Austin. What do they use to cheer on their sports teams to victory? The Hook 'Em Horns:

So I imagine most, if not all of the Bush family photos are from back home when George et.al. are cheering on their home team.

I think this video is either a masterpiece of surrealism, or they forgot to include the voice over (it's so hard to tell these days). Because in the middle of all the Satanic Hand Signs, an image of the tiny owl that is hidden on the US $1 bill appears -- with absolutely no explanation.

The best part of this video isn't even the video sadly. The best part is this comment from Whoweareinchrist, which can be found on the page: "I know one thing about witches, they deserve to be burned."

Thanks, Whoweare. Your existence affirms my belief in God and that he/she/it has a sense of humor.

***

Click if you dare: Satanic Hand Signs of the Global Elite!

And finally, the piece de resistance.

First, the title says it all: 911 WC NWO Prophecy Love & Peace Tower Tarot. Next, the author of this steaming pile spells "per se" like this: "per say." (It's a pet peeve of mine). Outside of that, the creator, AHVH is a loon.

Let me see if I can sum it up: When Alister Crowley spent the night in that Egyptian pyramid, he was able to predict the destruction of the World Trade Center. He wrote stuff about "Twin warriors about the pillars of the world! Paste the sheets from right to left and top to bottom, then behold!" This is of course, what AHVH calls a "double prophetic allegory." To which I say, "What?"

Anywho, Crowley's message was obviously hidden instructions on how redneck could fold various denominations of US currency so that we could all relive the horror of thousands of lost lives by doing dollar-bill origami. (Because, who doesn't want to do that?) Crowley's predictions also somehow influenced the creation of the "talisman" on the back of the $1 bill. (I'm not too clear on this part, because the background music to this insanity is three John Lennon songs, and at this point, Give Peace a Chance came on and Frank didn't want the song to be interrupted.)

After many screens of all caps questions like:

WHAT IS A TALISMAN?

and

HOW HOLY WAS CROWLEY?

You kind of figure out that AHVH thinks that Crowley influenced the creation of the great seal on the $1 bill so that everyone would charge it up with energy. This somehow created the attack on the towers, which will lead us into a new age of whatever.

His only remaining question (also provided in all caps) is:

HOW MUCH ENERGY REMAINS CHARGED?

What else could the dollar bill talisman do?!

Right.

So, this report was just to whet your appetite. Or to cause you, your family, and loved ones to hide under the couch, I'm not sure which.

Coming up, I'll review a series of videos made by a shaman-witch-type guy and a series of videos by a goofy-ass conspiracy theorist.

Quake in fear, mortals!

I have nothing to say about this

2007-08-24T14:36:00.000+10:00

*blink*

Quiz Results - Which Tarot Card are You?

2007-08-23T11:08:00.000+10:00

I don't usually do these, but this was too good to pass up. And I've been thinking about the tarot a lot lately.

Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Newsflash

2007-08-21T15:06:00.000+10:00

Just a short newsflash, mostly so that I can link you to this article that I snagged from The Wild Hunt:

Satanist Turns to God as Trial Starts. I haven't even read the whole thing, but you have to love an article that starts, "Lazaro Galindo -- accused murderer, amateur attorney and until Monday a proclaimed Satanist." Talk about living a full life. Apparently, he won the right to wear ritual garb in court as he defended himself, but has now found God. I guess he left Him in a taxi or something. He even says, "I've converted myself over to God."

I think I'll convert myself over to the kitchen for a snack.

Should I rant about the Frosts, yet? Nah, I ll save that till later.

Stan-u-factured Dross: The Marvel Tarot

2007-08-20T14:53:00.000+10:00

Title: The Marvel Tarot
Author: David Sexton
Publisher: Marvel Publishing, Inc.

Review:
Before I begin this review, it's time for Little Connie to make a confession. While I do spend quite a bit of time perusing ancient, crumbling tomes which are redolent of old paper and disintegrating glue, I am also occasionally inspired in my occult pursuits via...comic books. Yes, comic books. Perhaps it is because newly-printed comics smell exactly like brand new decks of tarot cards. Or it may be due to two comic authors: Grant Morrison and Alan Moore.

Both authors write about magic and the occult in innovative and engaging ways. And besides writing the hawtest tantric sex magickian to ever grace the pages of a comic, Morrison has even written his own book on magic: Pop Magick. Moore once wrote an entire comic based on the Tarot: Promethia #12. And back in the day, DC Comics even created the Vertigo Tarot, so that fan boys everywhere could have a Death card with Death from the Sandman on it.

So, I think that I'm on pretty safe ground when I say that comics make up a small, yet significant part of my occult reading. Especially since The Invisibles once decoded a very important dream I once had.

More
So, when I found out that Marvel would be publishing a one-shot comic that focused on the Marvel Tarot, an artifact of that universe that reflects and tracks the archetypes of the Marvel Universe, I was thrilled. Ivan and I even spent an evening attempting to guess who would appear on each card. Would Dr. Strange be The Magician? Would Colossus's sister Illyana be on the Devil card? Would Storm maybe show up on Strength? Ivan had a lot of interesting stuff to say, since he knows quite a a bit more about Marvel's Occult titles than I do.

I live in a town that contains exactly zero comic book stores. So I had to order my copy from King's Comics in Sydney (and they did a exceptional job shipping me my comic – I'll be ordering from them again!) I even had the book delivered to Frank's parents' house so it wouldn't be crammed, folded, and mangled into our tiny mail slot. I awaited delivery with bated breath. And the book finally arrived last Tuesday.

Before I break into a review of the eagerly awaited one shot, let's talk a little bit about David Sexton. He has a MySpace page, where he describes himself as not only a “Author/Artist” but he also adds “/Eccentric.” I have issues with people who self-describe as “eccentric” or “weird.” It makes them look like they are trying too damned hard. He's created two tarot decks in his career: The Winged Spirit Tarot (published by US Card and Games) and The Tarot of Oz (published by Llewellyn).

I own lots of Tarot decks, but not those two. I don't own those two with good reason, though. First, both decks are fairly simplistic, in that each card contains a very basic picture that often doesn't do a lot to convey the meaning of the card. To be as nice as possible about it, the cards lack depth. The Winged Spirit Tarot focuses on angel communications, apparently, and all of the figures in the Major Arcana are winged. All of them. Even ones that symbolically shouldn't be. Also, all of the Major Arcana cards in this deck have a plain grey background upon which the figures restlessly drift. No context, no symbolic clues – just a plain grey background.

The most horrifying card in the deck is Temperance (and you have to work hard to make that card horrifying.) It's an angel with two vessels. However, she's floating on her side in a pose that reminds me disturbingly of the contorted pose of a BDSM sub in full rope suspension. And she's dumping the water from one cup onto her head while catching some of the water that drips off of her drenched noggin with the other cup. And this is supposed to convey the concept of “temperance?” I just won't go into the symbolism inherent in traditional Temperance cards, specifically the symbolism that revolves around the fact that the angel depicted in that card never spills a drop. However, let me just be the first to say: WTF? That's the worst thought-out temperance card I've ever seen. And I own the Londa deck. Caption: Halp! I is pouring wattah in me face! Smblizm pls?

The Tarot of Oz doesn't fair much better, his cleverest innovation being an inclusion of the twister on the Wheel of Fortune card. Be still my symbolic heart.

Mr. Sexton was interviewed about his participation in the development of the Marvel Tarot comic. In this interview, he informs us that he's always liked “myths and comics,” and that he (of course) was introduced to Joseph Campbell in college. I would hereby like to ask all of you out there to make a vow: never again tell anyone you've read Joseph Campbell. Because no one cares if you have. In fact, if you are in any way interested in the Occult or Symbolism of any kind, we all kind of assume that you have and if you haven't, you don't want to admit that omission to anyone else anyway. The same thing goes for Carl Jung. Just shut up about it already, we take it as read that you have.

Sexton goes on to further annoy the piss out of me by using the term “Stan-u-factured” to describe a word that Stan Lee made up. The word in question is Oshtur, the name of one of Marvel's caracters. Ole David gleefully goes on to inform us that the made up – ahem, excuse me Stan-u-factured – word Oshtur sounds like a combination of Ishtar and Ostara....so good old Stan must have tapped into the....Collective Unconscious! I wonder if David Sexton has read Jung? I wonder if someone would come and just shoot me in the head and put me out of my misery?

So anyway, David Sexton made this comic about the Marvel Tarot. (See? And you thought I'd never bring it back home to the topic!) So let's talk about its premise. Ian McNee, Sorcerer, posses the First Tarot, which “reflects and tracks the archetypes of the Marvel Universe.” Something is wrong with magic (oh noes!) and McNee is on the case, hoping that this mystical Marvel Tarot artifact thingie will help him save the day.

This, by the way, is Ian McNee:
Would you want him saving magic in your universe? Though he appears incredibly fabulous,I think not.

The nice thing about this premise is that since things are so wrong with magic in the Marvel Universe that the Marvel/First Tarot may be broken too! So Ian is taking notes on the Tarot and Mr. Sexton has a great excuse to completely fuck up any correspondences provided in his little comic. This doesn't really save him in the long run, though. Or the comic. Anyway, we are somehow paging through Ian McNee's notes, reading his deepest magical thoughts about the First Tarot. Don't ask me how we got a hold of them.

I started off on the wrong foot with this comic for two reasons. First, I expected a really good comic. And second, the following quote was on the first page: “How did graceful gestures and the intricate incantations of the Ancient Ones devolve into a wizard shouting the word BANG over their own crudely pointed finger?”

I instantly wondered if he was alluding to this gentleman?

If you are wondering who he is, you can look back at the second paragraph of this little ditty where I mentioned the “hawtest tantric sex magickian to ever grace the pages of a comic.” Or maybe he's alluding to Mr. Crowley's magical spell of dry-firing a hand gun at an enemy's photograph in order to kill said enemy. Either way, Sexton is insulting the wrong magician if he wants to win me over. So after this little gouge (which I figure is a weak attack on one of the best occult comic authors out there :::queue Grant Morrision fangirl montage:::), I wasn't prepared to love The Marvel Tarot to bits.

Which was a good thing, because I didn't. It starts out with some of Ian McNee's notes, which are closely followed by a long list of weak symbolic correspondences and a convoluted cosmology which must have been cribbed from the old plot lines of Marvel Occult titles. None of it is engaging, and none of it is really entertaining. And, there are none of the subtle hints towards fairly advanced occult topics and issues that I'd expect from a title like this. Ian then proceeds to explain who is showing up on which card these days. I can't really attack his choices, because...the Marvel Tarot may be broken!! But let's just say that most of his choices seem like a poorly-disguised attempt to set up the return of several Marvel characters which have died or otherwise disappeared.

As for the art, most of it is derivative, some of it seems to be ripped off directly from other occult comics, and all of it is poorly executed. Also, I want to know why McNee has alchemical symbols reflected in his glasses on the front cover. They have nothing to do with the minimal plot.

All in all, a very disappointing read. DC/Vertigo still hold the crown when it comes to Occult comics, no two ways about it.

In Despair Over the Fantasy Book Market

2007-08-08T18:01:00.001+10:00

If you don't know it, I live in the land of the expensive book. Books over here in Australia cost a mint, even when you take into account the currency exchange. I can walk into a used bookstore and spend as much on a used book as I am used to spending on a new book in the USA. And, the prices of trade-sized paperbacks and hardback books here are truly astronomical. Don't get me started about comics -- I spent $6.00AU on one issue of a comic this week. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I moved here.

Due to the rate at which I rip through fiction, I usually go to used book stores. Why pay full price when you can poke around in a dusty old store and find something just as good for less? I tend to only go to new book stores when I want something in specific.

Well, Frank sent me off to the local new bookstore today, since they were having a "buy 2 get 1 free" fantasy book sale. Just the thing to lure me inside. I went in there ready to spend, and braced myself so as not to flinch at the high prices. There was just one problem.

I don't want to read any book about a main character named Thrace, or Thrice or Thellanda or any of the other stupid damned names that I ran across while perusing back covers. [This may be a reaction due to the fact that I read a fantasy book a few weeks ago which contained a character named Glorianna Belladonna. And yes, the author was serious.] I don't want to read a book by the "Russian J.K. Rowling" (whatever the hell that means). I don't want to read the first in a series of anything. And I sure as hell don't want to read one more word about vampires, werewolves, werevampires, vampwolves, witches who hunt vampires or any combination thereof (except for stories by Charlaine Harris, because she actually attempts to be original in her story lines, can really write humor, and doesn't recycle your standard vampire plot over and over again). I also don't want to read anything by Caitlin R. Kiernan, because I remember the complete and utter crap she used to write back when her work appeared free on the web and her claim to fame was being pals with Poppy Z. Brite. FUCK. Can someone please reassure me that there are fantasy writers out there (not Ray Bradbury, or any of the other old standards -- but NEW writers) that don't completely and utterly suck yet somehow convince a publishing house to publish their 26 book epic series about Tracindelle Helllicathion, the witch-vampire hybrid who hunts werewolves and fucks around? Save me.

Ten Things About Constance (via Jeff)

2007-08-05T18:03:00.000+10:00

1. My name isn't *really* Constance Parker. In fact, my first name is Latin for "sorrow."

2. I have held the following jobs: Dishwaher, 1-900 phone psychic, carnie roustabout, security guard.

3. I've been reading Tarot cards since I was 11.

4. I loathe cilantro/corriander.

5. Once upon a time, I played bass in a band called The Ploy.

6. If I don't have reading material, I freak out. I once ran out of books while on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean and threw a complete fit until the person I was with rushed about and found me some novels to read in the gift shop. I had the shakes!

7. I've met the following famous folks: Penn Jilettte, Mr. T, Nikki Six, Lita Ford (!), most of the Beach Boys, William Shatner, and...Frank from Stover (and R too)!

8. I can finish Resident Evil 3 in less than 3 hours.

9. I name all of my pets after mythological or occult personalities/characters.

10. I can't stop talking like a lolcat.

10a. I am making Frank from Stover late for band practice! (See? It are true -- I is talk now like lolcatz.)

TAG -- I want to see 10 things about Anjel!

This from Frank: "It be band praktise times NOW motherfu*ker!

Why the New Seal? Boycott The Dark is Rising!

2007-07-31T16:01:00.000+10:00

Hi everyone,

Connie here twice in one day (I'm trying to make up for my absence). Anyway, I wanted to get the word out about a new movie that is being produced by Walden Media. Yep, those same folks that gave us Chronicles of Narnia and Bridge to Terabitha. Their next big project is The Dark is Rising.

I'm sure you've probably never heard of it -- at least, that is what I usually hear when I mention the book or its series. It's one book in a series of five that is based on Arthurian legend and Welsh mythology.

I do not have the words to describe what these books did for me or what they mean for me. They opened up my heart and put some magic inside that has never faded. They have reached across time and made me instant friends with complete strangers. They represent everything that was the very best about my childhood.

So, what has Walden Media done to what I and many others consider to be the best series of children's books ever written? They've completely torn them to shreds, removing all hints of Arthurian legend and Welsh Mythology. They've changed the nationality of the main character for no reason. They have warped the original's message of peace and tolerance and success through faith and replaced it with "might makes right."

If you are interested in all of the changes that have been made, I recommend the following two posts:

A Table of Changes listing all of the ridiculously bad changes that have been made to the original story.

An excellent post about the "Christianizing" of the film, and how it fails.

One recent blog post I've read stated that the way in which this film is being made is an indication that the Dark is indeed rising. Help push back the Dark! Please please PLEASE do NOT give Walden Media your money to see this film.

PS: This post goes out to Ivan and Juan, who I know will appreciate it.

Connie back -- with Newsflash!

2007-07-31T15:33:00.000+10:00

Back with a vengeance and some news to fill in the spaces while I get back on track.

First, if you are planning a vacation, keep in mind The Holy Land Experience, a tourist attraction just a few miles from Disney World in Orlando, Florida. Here you can witness Jesus's crucifixion, complete with roman soldiers, whippings, and other Passion of the Christ-like activities. Here you won't find rides, only lectures on Biblical times (and apparently, a few living dioramas). Why is this place in business? Well, aside from being in the good old USofA, Trinity Broadcasting Network (a Christian broadcasting company) is funding it after the project almost tanked. Check it out at Savior emerges for attraction simulating Jerusalem in Orlando.

Still not as good as the Golgotha Mini golf Course that used to grace my fair home state of Kentucky.

***

Just to prove that the USA is not the only country full of alarmist fundamentalists, a UK toy store has banned all Harry Potter merchandise. Why? Oh, because the owner doesn't want any children getting sucked into the "dark arts." Alert Severus Snape! Seriously, folks, if you think your kid is going to start worshiping Satan because of reading Harry Potter, do you also think they are going to turn into a pirate from reading Treasure Island? You can read all about it here: Don't Wand Them!

***

And here you can read about a bookstore near Tehran getting in trouble for selling the latest Harry Potter novel. Why? Because the publisher of the book is partially supported by Zionists, of course. Wait....what? Harry Potter and Zionism, the Untold Story. Harry is just copping it from every direction.

***

And finally, on a more serious note: South African Witches (as in the Western, wand-waving, moon loving, tree hugging variety) get ready to fight a Witchcraft Suppression Bill that is currently being drafted in the Mpumalanga legislature. Witches in South Africa want to fight it, but are also afraid to reveal themselves. Western witches set out to defeat new law.

That's the news folks -- did you miss me? Stay tuned for the creation for Charmed: Books to Run To.

Connie

Apologies for the hiatus...but the hiatus will continue. :(

2007-07-12T11:12:00.000+10:00

Greetings, everyone. I've been very slack in maintaining this blog lately -- life has become a little hectic. I'm going to have to go out of town for a while and that only compounds the problem. I'm not sure how often I'm going to be able to update, but I'll do my best. Don't expect regular posts until sometime after August 1, just in case.

The good news is that when I return to blogging, I'm going to start a companion blog called Charmed: Books to Run To, and it will contain reviews of all of the best books on the Occult and the Paranormal.

Stay well everyone, and hopefully, I'll post again soon!

A kindred spirt?

2007-06-27T01:29:00.000+10:00

Gleeeeee! I found someone else who focuses on negative reviews (See? I'm not alone!) -- only he reviews webcomics. Go check him out:
Your Webcomic is Bad and You Should Feel Bad

I giggled. A lot.

Warning to Dalim: His review of CAD may make you cry...or giggle. I giggled.

***

Totally not on my usual topics: There is, after all, a place for me and Tol...a place where we can be safe. IHateCilantro.com. We've found a place where we belong!

We've got spirit, yes we do!

2007-06-23T18:32:00.000+10:00

Note: You were probably expecting a review of Heart of the Tarot instead of this book. Once again, let us blame Mercury retrograde: I got distracted by this little gem and decided to review it first. You also may have noticed that I did not include a picture of the cover of Death of a Prince. Instead, I bring you a picture of a letter purportedly written by Saucy Jack himself.

Book: Death of a Prince
Author: Jeanette Han with Ann Ann
Publisher: Random House Australia

Review:
I haven't read something this bad since Memoirs of an Exorcist. And that's saying a lot. I didn't say much for Memoirs at the time, but at least it was coherent. Death of a Prince, however, is far from coherent.

The back of the book claims that the contents will describe what happened to 13 Australian psychics who took a psychic tour of England in October of 1998. They were led on this tour by Ann Ann the Extraordinaire. Fair enough. I was already leaning towards doubting the integrity of someone who walks around allowing herself to be called "Ann Ann the Extraordinaire," but I was willing to give it a shot. The draw of the book is that the psychics were supposed to have uncovered "age old secrets" relating to none other than Jack the Ripper.

The story of the trip begins in the late 1980's, when the indefatigable Ann Ann is having a past life regression and recalls that she just happened to be Princess May of Teck (the woman who later became Queen Mary of England). About ten years later, she sees an advertisement in a newspaper for tours of England and thinks about how wonderful it would be if a particular tour had a psychic to guide them! And thus, the tour that was to lead to the revelation of age old secrets was born!

And the rest:

Our author, Jeanette Han, decided to sign up for the Psychic tour and wrote to the radio station that Ann Ann appeared on. Ann Ann, in turn, gave her an on air psychic reading in which Ann informs Jeanette that she will soon be writing another book. Amazingly enough, when Ann Ann meets Jeanette seven months later at the start of the tour, Ann Ann asks Jeanette to write a book about the trip! Amazing. Of course, Ann Ann claimed to have not remembered predicting Jeanette was going to write a book, so you know its true. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the level of skepticism with which I was presented throughout the entire book.

I don't really have anything against wide eyed believers in particular. (Besides the fact that skeptical people who are interested in the paranormal often get painted with the same brush as the wingnuts). However, I do have something against writers who can't correctly use simple vocabulary words in their work. This Ms. Han manages to do on three separate occasions, with the words oasis, ironic, and horded. And I also have something against writers who don't make any damned sense. This Ms. Han manages to do throughout the entire book (though it does get worse near the end).

The psychic impressions begin on the first night the group is in England, on a Jack the Ripper tour. Ann Ann begins to pick up information about the murders and proceeds to harass the hell out of their tour guide. And so begins their adventures. They find out that Jeanette was a prostitute during the time of Jack the Ripper. Then they wander off to Stratford-on-Avon, where Ann Ann picks up all kinds of information about one of Shakespear's relatives. She was read haired and had a miscarriage! This was confirmed by the tour guide telling the group that "there were miscarriages in the family." And if that's not a ringing confirmation, I'm Princess May of Teck! At this time, we also find out that the tannery behind Shakespear's house was somehow involved with the Jack the Ripper murders! What this connection is, we never actually find out, except that tanneries continue to be pointed out throughout the remainder of the book. We are reassured at this point that though almost everything that comes out of Ann Ann's mouth is either widely published public information or impossible to confirm, that "All of Ann's information was derived from her intuitive source and was confirmed through research on returning to Australia." That's a relief!

The story progresses, becoming more muddled and silly as it goes. Apparently, there's a connection between Prince Albert Victor of the British Monarchy, druids, Freemasons, Trinity College, Oscar Wilde, Arthur Conan Doyle, King Arthur, the Modern Royals, Degas (who painted a picture around the time Jack was killing people!), Edinburgh, cross dressing tendencies, Queen Victoria (who turns out to be a psychic), the Queen's surgeon, a coach driver, the Titanic, and Jack the Ripper! However, if you expect me to explain it, don't hold your breath. Also, the author has not only experienced a past life as a prostitute some time around the Jack the Ripper murders, but she also lived as one of the Communication Officers on the Titanic. This just goes to show, since other members of the psychic group also have past lives tied to Jack the Ripper.

To ensure us that they are on the right track, Ms. Han presents us with startling occurrences like stepping into a book store in Edinburgh and finding a biography on Arthur Conan Doyle (ACD was born in Edinburgh). And stepping into another bookstore and finding a book on Freemasonry! How this all adds up, I have no idea -- but you get the vague idea from Ms. Han that this is all somehow vitally important and connected to...you guessed it! Jack the Ripper!!! (Extra emphasis mine.)

The Freemasons keep rearing their ugly heads throughout -- and apparently, the curse one of the group members or something because poor Ron sits in a Freemason's chair in a hotel and is sick the next day!

In the end, we find out that Prince Albert Victor may or may not have been involved in Jack the Ripper killings, after falling in with a bad crowd of Freemasonic Occultists due to his cross dressing tendencies and drug use. Also, he may have been poisoned, maybe. Riveting stuff. Ms. Han makes it quite clear that she's not actually saying he was involved in anything, but that spirit gives us important information. I think she was afraid of a law suit.

All of this still could have made for an entertaining, if wacky, read. Except Ms. Han writes incredibly poorly throughout. In addition to the afore-mentioned apparent lack of a grasp of the English language, her narrative is infuriatingly incoherent. She intersperses events from the tour with trances Ann Ann performed long after the tour was over and they were all back in Australia. She subjects us to poetry she's written about her soul. She provides us with long transcripts of automatic writing sessions which often contain a series of really poorly rhymed statements. She never provides any actual research that was supposedly performed, nor does she ever come out and say anything about Jack, Prince Albert Victor, or anyone else.

When you hold this book up to the light of examination, it simply fades away. And you'll be wanting to fade away from this book if you ever pick it up. Caveat lector!

Newsflash

2007-06-23T01:56:00.000+10:00

Y'all know you want one...the latest thing out on the market, the George Bush Voodoo Doll. Who wants to bet Jeff buys more than one?

***

Unspeakable horror, comrades: Cthulhu Worshiper Amulets sold in Russia. Yes, as actual religious items. I don't know if this is the coolest thing ever or a sign of the end of the world. In communist Russia, Cthuluhu worships you? Hmmmm...

A direct quote from Tol on the subject: "Cree-py."

***

Got a few Pagans to spare? 24,000 of them descend upon Stonehenge for the Solstice. Don't ask me what I did for the solstice. It's freezing down here, midwinter, my head hurts, and I don't have a copy of The Dark is Rising. Grrr.

***

For $160,000, I burn candle for you! It will remove all curses! Another psychic is at it again, but this time she got caught: 'Mrs. Grace' Sees Her Future in Jail.

***

And, not really Occult related, but certainly book related: Strapped for time but still want to read the classics? Get DailyLit to send the classic of your choice to you in bite size pieces via email.

Little Ms. Connie got the first instalment of Dostoevsky's Notes from the Underground today.

Is Mercury Retrograde?

2007-06-22T18:09:00.000+10:00

It certainly feels like it is, since I just made a lovely newsflash post and then my blog came to life, vandalized it, and then consumed it! It's gone now, but I may try to reconstruct it later. Right now, I am scared of my blog.

And, yes, I am still working on reviws...I'm just stupidly working on two at once. I'll get around to posting one, someday.

I just checked, and yes, Mercury is retrograde right now. That plays all kinds of havoc with me, usually -- I'm surprsed eeye kan zstill shpeak Eeenglush.

If you'd like to find out more, you can click here.

Three posts in one day? C'est impossible! Occult Mix Tape

2007-06-18T17:05:00.000+10:00

Hearken, all ye, to the beauty of the Occult Mix Tape -- songs of esoteric significance and joy:

1. Papa Legba - The Talking Heads

What better way to start than with an invocation to Papa, who is the gate keeper who opens the way?

2. Letter, From the Lost Days - Melissa Williamson

Writing a letter to your future self, telling yourself not to give up hope. And a song of great personal importance to me.

3. Haunted - Poe

More for it's atmosphere than its lyrics, though it is a reminder that we can be haunted by more than just ghosts.

4. Hymn - Three Weird Sisters

When there's fear in my heart, Lady I'm singin', when there's gladness, I'm singin', too. A nice reminder that the powers that be want to hear from us when the chips are down as well as singing their praise. I always feel safe when I listen to this.

5. Ouija Board, Ouija Board - Morrissey

The inspiration for this mix tape. Stephen, push off!

6. Hoodoo Lady - Memphis Minnie

Goin' to the hoodoo lady for some help. This song reminds me of my Grandmother -- and, no, not because I think she's a hoodoo lady. It's the line where she uses the word "dukes" to mean hands, for some reason.

7. Die Another Day - Madonna

Yeah, you read that right. Sure, it's the theme to a James Bond movie. However, she was all about the Cabala while writing this and it seeps through. To me, a song about ceremonial magick par excellence.

8. Marie Laveaux - Robinella and the CCstringband

A song about the lady, herself. Better watch yerself around the VooDoo Queen of New Orleans.

9. Mr. Crowley - Ozzy Osbourne

My all time favorite Ozzy song, not just because of the subject matter, but because of Randy Rhoads's guitar solo, which is the best guitar solo ever. Period. No argument. (Until Tol comes and tells me differently.)

10. The Metre - Powderfinger

Welcome to the saving grace, says Powderfinger. Another song on the list for atmosphere -- but also for the message that sometimes, we just have to let things happen. And that can be magic, too.

11. Signs of the Zodiac - Rasputina

In this song, the ladies ask us, "Do you believe in the signs of the Zodiac?" It's one of two token skeptic's songs. A little skepticism is a good thing.

12. Predictions - Suzanne Vega

Her list of just about every method of divination that has ever been used in the history of the world. Put this one on repeat as you read my next review.

13. Cross Road Blues - Robert Johnson

He told us all about "Sweet Home, Chicago," but he was also such an exemplary musician, that his contemporaries whispered about him selling his soul to the devil. So, Robert wrote a song about it. Good on ya, Robert (that's my little bit of Aussie talk thrown in)!

14. Galileo - Indigo Girls

My second skeptic's song, this time about reincarnation. This song reminds me of my father, who taught me about Galileo when I was in 6th grade. I grew up in a house that was 1/2 believers and 1/2 skeptics. This song reminds me of everyone. :)

15. My Karma Broke Down - Three Weird Sisters

Their second appearance on the list, suggested by Tol. Three Weird Sisters cross religious lines and write an entertaining tune about what happens when the chickens come home to roost.

16. The Christians and the Pagans - Dar Williams

A really sweet song about some Christians and some Pagans gathering together at Christmas dinner.

17. Shanti/Ashtangi - Madonna

The lady M's second appearance, if you can believe it! I won't write out the whole translation, but the first line translates to "I worship the gurus' lotus feet."

18. The Samedi Strut - Baron Samedi Ecstatic Soul Quintet

Traditionally, if I start by asking Papa Legba to open the way, I should ask him to close it. But omitting that step is less dangerous than omitting nodding my head to the Baron, who I feel also keeps an eye on me. So I close with a song about Mr. Dangerous, the Baron of the Cemeteries and of Saturday.

Connie, aka Ms. Loquacious, is out.

Would you, Ouija Board?

2007-06-18T12:57:00.000+10:00

Everyone else is embedding videos, so here I go.

The best song about the Occult (except for maybe Mr. Crowely by Ozzy Osbourne) ever written:

Two card Tarot for everyone!

2007-06-18T12:22:00.000+10:00

In preparation for writing my review of The Heart of the Tarot: The Two-card Layout blah blah blah, it's two card reading time for everyone! (Well, all my regulars, at least.)

First, Anjel over at Anjel's Couch blog:
The first card is the Hermit, representing a withdrawal from activities to become introspective, and to gather strength. This card also represents hearkening to your inner vision and relying on yourself to find the correct path.

The second card is Judgement and represents making decisions, changing your point of view, and cashing in your karma.

Together, these two cards mean that it's time to take stock and recognize your inner resources and strengths and then reevaluate your view of your current situation, with the knowledge of what you have to help you.

***

Next, Dalim, over at Strange is to a Stranger Blog:
The first card is the 2 of Wands, Dominion. It represents established power and influence, understanding your past decisions, and responsible leadership.

However, the next card is 9 of Swords, Cruelty, and represents, losses, pain, anguish, and possibly inflecting pain on others with a verbal attack.
Do these cards sound familiar? They should, because they both appeared in your last reading, Mister!

Together, the two cards mean that you are consolidating your power in a situation and can become a steadfast and good leader. However, watch out for treading on too many toes, or you could lose it all. Now be good and talk nice!

***

Next, Jeff, over at Jeff's Rants blog.
First card: 4 of Cups, Luxury, which represents ignoring existing emotional support while pining away for something that you don't have. Disengagement with others. In one aspect of your life, you've got plenty of exactly what you wish you had, but you don't know it. Weird, huh?
Second card: 9 of Cups, Happiness, which tells me that you'll soon move into a zone of contentment and satisfaction, and move out of the period of longing you are currently in.

Together the cards mean that you should take realistic stock of what those around you are offering you -- they may be trying to hand you just want you want/need in order to feel real satisfaction and contentment. You may just not be recognizing the offer for what it is!

***

Next, Ivan, my occult guru and savior:
The first card is the 8 of Swords, Interference. It represents backing away from unseen forces, external criticism, and lack of focus or confusion. Something is jamming your wires, and you aren't working really hard to fix that. Are you jamming them yourself? Bad, bad Ivan!
;)

The next card is the Ace of Wands, so things aren't all that bad. You're coming up on a time of creativity, when you are going to break out of that pattern of interference mentioned above. It's the seed of a new start, forward motion, and the chance to be passionate about something.

The two cards together tell me that though you are in a current holding pattern, you're about to be shaken out of it weather you want to be or not. So fasten your seat belts and go for it, si vous plait.

***

Next, JM, my other occult guru and music expert:
The first card is the Star, representing hope, reaching for the stars, courage, and enlightenment. It means any rough stuff you are going through right now is actually the road to enlightenment, so don't tune out -- pay attention!

The next card is the King of Cups, the watery part of air. This king is a patient fellow who has a lot of tolerance for people. He knows a lot about human nature and he's pretty calm and relaxed.
These two cards together tell me that bright things are on your horizon, and you may receive the help of a friendly King of Cups (internal or external, who knows?) in order to help you out of any rough patches. Any problems will be short lived.

***

And finally, moi, the dame of the bookshelves:
The first card is The Emperor, representing worldly authority, power, social mastery, and oratory skills.

But the next card is the 9 of Swords, Cruelty, which represents, pain, anguish, loss, or causing pain to another, usually verbally. Guilt, participation in a bad act.

Together, those cards warn me that I am on the brink of being the Emperor, with all his mastery or benevolence, or of being a fallen tyrannic Emperor. (In less self-important terms, I'm either going to be a nice person or a jerk in the coming days and I need to make up my mind right now to be nice.)

Me, nice? Le sigh.

If you're a regular and you're not on this list, shout at me and I'll do you up a pretty little reading of your own. If you're not a regular, I'll do one for you anyway (must...be...nice!)

This is Constance, teetering on the brink, signing off.

Newsflash

2007-06-17T20:03:00.001+10:00

The Vatican is urging people to stop supporting Amnesty International....because AI supports access to abortion for woman who are raped or whose lives are otherwise in danger: Vatican urges end to Amnesty aid

***

Bless Dr. Dalim over at Strange is to a Stranger for tipping me off about this story. Psychic's $50k 'curse removal'. Yep, you read that right. She soaked a poor guy for $50 thou after he initially visisted her for a $110 tarot reading. I want to know two things. At what point did the guy think paying that amount of bills for two "ritual baths" was a good idea? And at what point did he decide that not getting receipts was the way to go? Sorry, I have to go put a bill in the mail for that blessing for Dalim.... A girl has to make a little cash. *ahem*

***

Click to read about Mikey Weinstein, founder of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation. Mikey Weinstein Tackles the Evangelical Coup in America's Military. I like this guy already!

That's it for tonight, folks. Don't take any wooden nickles. Unless I've blessed them and charged you $375 US for them.

Oh, and a secret shout out to Ivan and JM: "For 50 dollah, I burn candle for you!"

Where my news at?

2007-06-15T17:50:00.001+10:00

I don't wish to alarm anyone, but once again my news sources have dried up and blown away. Unlike the weather here, which is Biblical in it's rainy proportions.

I'm currently reading the next book up for review: The Heart of the Tarot: The Two-card Layout: Easy, Fast, and Insightful (and yes, that is the actual title on Amazon!)

But I'm not done yet, so no reviews for you yet.

This is Constance, signing off to go build an ark. *paddle paddle paddle*

Newsflash

2007-06-08T23:33:00.000+10:00

A few posts ago, I was complaining that there wasn't any news. Now I'm inundated. Everyone, we can stop our war on reality to read these articles.

Remember earlier today when I was babbling on about the possibility that the dead animals slung on the doorsteps of Salem, MA psychics may have something to do with the legal shenanigans the local psychics are going through in order to prevent traveling psychics from stealing their bizznezz? Well, I was right. *pats self on back*

Here's the latest on the situation, courtesy of The Boston Herald: Road kill spells trouble: Dead raccoon casts strange light on Salem’s fortune-tellers.

If you want a really lovely and detailed description of the situation, head over to The Wild Hunt blog for this post. Psychic Wars in Salem. (It's a grown-up blog on Pagan affairs and this blog wants to be just like it if it ever grows up. *nods*)

***

Oh noes! A Kentucky library is allowing a Magic: The Gathering game to take place on it's premises. Some parents are not pleased: Game causes controversy

To quote a much-loved song by Justin Connor, aptly called Kentucky, "Oh Kentucky, what have they done to you?"

***

Meanwhile, the psychics in this Florida town seem to be getting along together a little better than their counterparts in Salem: Seeking Spirits in a Psychic Town

***

And to top it all off, more on the Harry Potter bru-ha-ha. This time, a teaching assistant that quit because she didn't want to listen to a student read from a Harry Potter book, since HP promotes witchcraft, which is, of course, "an abomination." Teaching assistant quit in protest at Harry Potter.

Whew -- it's late -- bed time for little Connie. G'night folks.

Newsflash

2007-06-08T13:05:00.001+10:00

Salem, MA fortune tellers are finding dead roadkill on their doorsteps. Fortune Tellers Harassed With Road Kill.

Possibly fallout from this story I mentioned earlier about psychics in Salem who are calling for stricter licensing for fellow psychics. Psychics may have to pass test to practice.

I still find the whole thing questionable. I'm all for defending people from charlatans and jackasses. But in a market like Salem, which is known for it's history of witchcraft, the desire to lock people out of the market place by imposing stricter licensing has to be driving some people. I'm wondering if any of the laws passed about licensing will exclude tests for people who are already working in Salem. Hmmmm...

The world of for-pay psychics can be an ugly and opportunistic one. From my experiences back home, I can attest to the fact that some professional psychics will do anything to ensure that they don't lose clients.

I'm too cynical. Or am I?

Cultural Theft for Fun and Profit

2007-06-08T11:45:00.000+10:00

Book: Mutant Message from Down Under
Author: Marlo Morgan
Publisher: Harper Collins

Review:
If you haven't heard about Mutant Message from Down Under or the controversy surrounding it, you are in for a shock. At least, I was shocked when I did a little bit of research on this poorly written pile of junk.

It began with finding a used copy of this book in its first incarnation, a privately published, poorly illustrated account of a woman's experience living with Australian Aborigines. It claimed to be about a spiritual journey. It claimed to contain an important message for mankind. If this is an important message to mankind, I think I'll lie down and shoot myself now.

The book was a quick read about the experience Ms. Morgan claimed to have had living for four months with a tribe of Aboriginals called the "Real People." She travels barefoot and hatless through the Australian desert while experiencing a personal epiphany as the tribe members teach her about the ills of western society. Yes, you did read that right. Four months in the desert. No hat. No shoes. Pale skinned white woman. Does anyone see a problem here, yet?

If not, maybe you'll see a problem in her description of Aboriginal life, which includes such fascinating things as making dream catchers, tribe members having names like "Female Healer," and communicating primarily through telepathy. Sound like a sick twisted description of a white woman's perception of Native Americans? That's pretty much what it is.

Or maybe you'll see a problem in the "Real People" tribe calling non-tribe members "Mutants." Marlo never pauses to tell us just when the "Real People" decided to study genetics so that they could understand words like "mutant."

Because you see, we don't know if Ms. Morgan actually ever set foot in Australia, because her description of that country is so ridiculously wrong. In her version of Australia, people use quarters to make phone calls (Aussies don't even have a 25 cent piece... and they sure as hell don't call any of their coins quarters) and Australians didn't know what fly screens for windows were until she introduced them to the country in 1986. So, since she had no idea what Australian Aboriginal culture was like, she just kinda...made it up.

Making things up is okay, especially when you are writing fiction. But from the start, Ms. Morgan claimed that what she was writing was emphatically not fiction. In fact, she claimed to be the appointed spokesperson for Australian Aboriginals. Her little privately-published heap of twaddle was picked up by Harper Collins and became a best seller everywhere -- except in Australia...fancy that. And Ms. M began the lecture circuit as the "spokesperson" for Aboriginal concerns.

Australian Aboriginal groups have been protesting the book since it was first published. Because despite the book now being classified as fiction by Harper Collins, and despite the general outcry from Aboriginal leaders amid demands for her to stop calling herself their "spokesperson," this presumptuous, ridiculous woman still claims that the events did indeed happen. (Never mind that not one Aboriginal group in Australia will admit to even meeting her.)

So, what attracts people to this book? Is it the writing style of the author, the riveting tale she tells, the message that her book provides? None of the above, thanks. Ms. Morgan has the writing skill of a stoned 16 year old. Her book consists of incredibly simple sentences and the charming habit of writing the dialog of the "Real People" in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. Who needs quotation marks when you have the SHIFT key on your keyboard? Not Ms. Morgan.

If you can get around the completely stupid details that she throws in to, I assume, give her story veracity (stating that her feet became "hoof-like" from walking in the desert, describing being buried in sand to rid her of personal body odor, claiming that a flood that roared across the desert made her lose all of the items she gained during her journey) you are still stuck with a stereotypical tale of "white woman learning native ways" told in a charmless manner. With completely weird claims about Aboriginal peoples thrown in for good measure (they speak telepathically, can heal broken bones in one day with their minds, and are hiding an intricate cavern filled with ritual items somewhere in the desert).

And as for the message, well, I can sum up the message: "Western society bad, living communally good. White men's ways are not the right way. Stop hurting our planet." Truly, an eye opening statement for the masses. It's been said before, with more heart, more insight, and without the intention of stealing a group's culture for profit and fame.

You'll notice that this review doesn't have an Amazon link to the book. That's because I would hate myself if I helped anyone to hand her money by purchasing a copy of this book. If you must read this terrible excuse for a book, please buy it second hand.

If you want more information on the inaccuracies of the book, or the attempts by Aboriginal leaders to prevent Marlo Morgan from further robbing them of their culture, follow the links below:

Morgan's Mutant Fantasy
Mutant Exposed!
Dumbartung Aboriginal Corporation's report on Mutant Message
Leatherwood Trail's Mutant Message Page

Newsflash

2007-06-06T12:42:00.001+10:00

First, a quick note: my next review will appear shortly. I'm behind this week!

Reasons why idiots shouldn't participate in any kind of ritual work. Man died as friends danced.

***

The home in which a powwow doctor was murdered is about to open as a tourist attraction in Pennsylvania. Infamous home to open. If you want more info, here's the link to the official web site: Rehmeyer's Hollow.

I'm running off to get some work done.

Newsflash

2007-06-05T11:33:00.000+10:00

Psychic? Want to work for the US Defense Department? Get trained in all of the ins and outs of remote viewing at this full day training seminar on psychic intelligence gathering. Psychic Intelligence Gathering Used to Defend Homeland.

***

Before you buy that overpriced water in Starbucks in order to help the world's children, read this, please. Every Bottle Makes Us A Huge Profit. And what the hell are you doing in a Starbucks, anyway? For shame!

***

Love Jesus? Really love Jesus? Well, then...donate a kidney! Wait, what? Man 'brainwashed by kidney cult". Best part of the article? When his mother states, "I was living in a world of aghastness." Pure poetryness.

***

Satanic hatemongering. This blog here points out something that's been getting on my nerves for a while. Wiccans/Pagans/White Lighters/Right Hand Pathers/whatever you want to call them do not have a corner market on the word "witch." Satanic hatemongering: when will it end?

It vexes me every time someone says, "Witches don't worship Satan or any evil entities." I'm sure if I tried hard enough, I could find one or two who do. Anton LaVey did write The Satanic Witch (LaVey, Anton) after all. That's because "witch" isn't a term that represents a definite group of people. It is a self-applied term that people of various faiths have begun to use rather than saying "I am a magic user." "Witch" does not denote a specific religion, no matter how much Wiccans/Pagans/etc. want it to.

That's it for the newsflash. Happy birthday to moi.

A good pup

2007-06-04T16:18:00.001+10:00

I'm sad to say that my boyfriend's dog, Nell, passed away today. She was a good pup and we'll miss her.

Newsflash

2007-06-04T04:49:00.000+10:00

This guy wins the coveted Spooked Dipshit of the Year award. A book store owner in Kansas City, Missouri is burning books. Why? He's "protesting" the fact that local libraries and thrift stores won't accept the books he wants to get rid of. He's got over 20,000 books in a warehouse and wants to "thin out" his stock, so he wants to donate the crappy ones. I know from personal experience that most public Libraries in the US don't accept donated books (I assume because people probably try to donate cruddy books to them). And I know that most thrift shops have limited space.

And I know that this idiot could have easily donated the books to nursing homes, hospitals, and other places (that is, if he wasn't trying to fob off completely useless stuff like old encyclopedias). If he just wants to get rid of them he could *gasp* give them away to his patrons. There's a thought. Instead of burning books like a jackass, he could give his customers a little something for free. You'd be surprised at how quickly a cardboard box outside a store marked "Free Books" empties out. Anyway, here is a link to an article on the Dipshit of the Year: Bookstore owner can't give 'em away, so he burns books

***

A lovely article on Summer Solstice festivals of all types and varieties, including celebrations by Judeo-Christian groups, who are wanting to return to solstice celebration.
Summer solstice fests have deep roots

Our threats to reality may have worked! News has returned!

Newsflash?

2007-06-03T10:21:00.001+10:00

Ladies and gentlemen, where have all the flowers gone? More importantly, where has all the news gone? I haven't abandoned you. But my sources have run dry, and no messages are coming through from the other side! I sit here, day in and day out, eagerly awaiting a hint of a scandal or exciting event, but nothing seems to be happening. Reality simply is not cooperating with my need for news.

Since I'm annoyed with reality, I leave you with this quote from Salvador Dali: "I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality."

And this link to information about Surrealism. And this link to Manifesto of Surrealism by Andre Breton.

Folks, I'm declaring war against reality until some good news presents itself!

The koo is in the ka and the ka is in the koo.
Constance
koo-koo-kachew!

Newsflash

2007-06-01T10:07:00.000+10:00

My buddy Dalim over at Strange is to a Stranger had this to say today about religion, beliefs, and the media: What do you think? Is it really your own thoughts... I thought it was a pretty good read.

***

New Nessie footage filmed at the Loch (where elese?) CNN is there: Fabled Monster Caught on Video

And that's all my news for today so far! I'm low on news.

Next review target: Mutant Message from Down Under

Newsflash

2007-05-30T11:30:00.001+10:00

From Georgia's Cake and Eat It Too department, Laura Mallory both wants to remove Harry Potter books from the school public library because they "convert children...to Wicca," which violates the right of freedom from religion...while simultaneously stating "I guess I have a dream that God would be welcomed back in our schools, again. I think we need him." Wait, what?

You have to love it when people think freedom of religion applies only to their own religions. Anyway, the Judge told her to get lost. Read all about it heah (Georgia accent): Judge Upholds Harry Potter Books.

***

And from the "No! Say it aint' so!" department, Vivienne Westwood, the woman who got famous dressing the Sex Pistols, has reinvented herself as a "thinker" and is warning people that propoganda in the popular media is both lying to us and distracting us. Looks like Viv finally caught on. Read all about it here, old chap (English accent): Punk queen Westwood rails against magazines and the 'sea of clones'.

Sybil's Leeking Ego

2007-05-29T18:01:00.000+10:00

Book: Diary of a Witch

Author: Sybil Leek

Publisher: Prentice Hall

Review:
I remember reading Diary of a Witch when I was around 10 or 11 years old. I checked it out of the Louisville Free Public Library, and when I got it home, I was transfixed by the story of a woman who has been called “Britain's most famous witch.”

Since Diary of a Witch is the book that ended up in my profile icon, and since I recently found a lovely hard backed copy of it in a used book shop, I thought that it was time to revisit it to see if it could withstand both the test of time and a more critical approach. Before I go any further, I need to tell you that I was really hoping it would withstand a critical read. This is not only he book that introduced me to Sybil Leek, but it was probably the second book I had ever read that mentioned Alister Crowley. It presented Crowley in a way that has colored my perception of him for the past 22 years.

To begin with, you don't have to fear any false modesty from Ms. Leek. She begins her book with a dedication to her two sons and in this dedication, she calls herself a legend. Now, arguably, this is true. Sybil Leek is indeed a legend in various occult circles, particularly for those of the Horsa tradition. And, it is apparent from the text of her biography that she worked really hard to be a legend. She forgot the key element of writing: show, not tell. Any time anyone calls themselves a legend, I start to get annoyed.

And the rest:

Before writing this review, I discussed it with my beloved friend and bastion of occult knowledge, Ivan. He wanted my early thoughts on the book, and I grumpily listed several facts that Ms. Leek states and that I found either patently untrue or completely beyond the ability for anyone to prove. And these aren't even claims about her occult powers (though I do find it difficult to believe that Ms. Leek's grandmother sacrificed a beloved pet owl in order to cure Sybil of diphtheria). Rather, these are claims about some of the basic facts of her life.

It's startling to realize after you've read an autobiography that you aren't really sure of the full name of either of the writer's husbands, or the name of the school she claimed to attend. The entire book is very vague, and the sketchy autobiographical details serve only to link together several apologist mini-essays on such topics as ghost hunting, psychic healing, astrology, life among the New Forest gypsies, and various other topics near and dear to her heart. Her summation of each topic is woefully predictable, with no real insight into any of them.

Ms. Leek tells us that ghost hunting is difficult yet rewarding, psychic healing is exhausting and requires the target's cooperation for best results, astrology is accurate, and that life among the New Forest gypsies is more pure and peaceful than our modern ways of materialism. And, though these may have been startling revelations in the 1960's, they seem hackneyed and worn out today. One would hope that a life-long witch would have something more insightful to say.

And, what of witchcraft? This is after all a Diary of a Witch, so when it's all said and done, we should have learned something about witchcraft, no? Well, no. Though Ms. Leek professes her love of the “Old Religion,” and states over and over again that witchcraft is more than just casting spells and making potions, she never really tells us anything about her religious beliefs. “I believe in a Supreme Being” she tells us, but then neglects to tell us anything at all about it. I found this to be the most puzzling part of the book, a gaping void that is confusing and disappointing.

And sadly, her behavior doesn't reinforce the positive image of witches that modern practitioners like to espouse. Ms. Leek delights in her gypsy friends stealing both stud services for their horses and vegetables for their dinner, insinuating that doing so was okay, since the Gypsies never took more than they could use. She gleefully recounts horse selling scams that worked like charms. She confides to us in her piece about astrology that, “mostly people's lives are dull.” She tells us about finding a human thigh bone on a ghost hunt, and bringing it home for her son as a souvenir, since he has “a school boy's avid interest in collecting such oddities.” In a sudden reversal, she rails against New York psychics for charging for services, yet her earlier description of New Forest Gypsies who “built up a regular clientele,” traveling the countryside to tell fortunes held no criticism of the practice. In her astrology section, she tells us how “sexual aberrations...can be pinpointed” in order to identify homosexual tendencies. All in all, Ms. Leek doesn't seem to be the nicest person to know.

What of Mr. Crowley? Sybil makes several claims about him throughout the book. She states she knew him early in her childhood, and that he proclaimed her his successor. She even states she was with him near the end of his life. Crowley scholars have made it quite plain that not only is there no record of their meetings in any of Crowley's notes, but that the two were not even in the same country at the times of their supposed meetings.

Upon reflection, I have no idea if Ms. Leek was blatantly lying or had slipped into believing her own razzle-dazzle when she tells us things such as, “every Black Magick group had invited me to their 'festivities' offering to make me their 'Queen of Darkness'” or when she calls receiving six month's notice of the end of her lease and her landlord's refusal of renewal “persecution.” All I do know is that the book is not only a poor reflection of modern Witchcraft in any of its forms, but a telling picture of someone who seemed to be more interested in notoriety than the truth.

Newsflash

2007-05-27T09:41:00.000+10:00

Shock, horror! Online sources misstate the history of the Tarot! Say it ain't so!
Tarot Readers Promote Stereotypes To whom is this really a surprise?

***

Meanwhile, ghosthunters are busy in Melbourne. Ghost busters on trail of footsteps and a whistle.

***

The next review is in the works, I swear!

Newsflash! Happy World Tarot Day

2007-05-26T07:55:00.000+10:00

Happy World Tarot Day, folks -- bust out those cards and do some free readings for people!

***

Quran is suitable for taking oath, judge says. A judge in North Carolina has ruled that people being sworn in at State Courthouses can use any reiligious text. Do you think Buckland's Big Blue Book would count?

Newsflash

2007-05-25T09:56:00.001+10:00

Currently working on my next review. In the mean time....

Officials in China are prevailing upon psychics in order to know the future. Officials have more faith in superstitions than the Party

***

Psychics in Salem, MA are calling for tests and stricter licensing for fellow psychics. Is it altruism and community concern or is it attempting to protect their market share? You decide. Psychics may have to pass test to practice.

***

And finally, accused "satanist" sets fire to historic church in Burlington, IA. The best part of this article is when one of the satanic items found in the little punk's room is the Devil May Cry video game. It has the word Devil on it! Satanic ritual tool! From Capcom! (The people who made Streetfighter and Megaman.) Also entertaining is when Police Chief Dan Luttenegger states that the term satanic is used whenever occult items are found "for lack of a better terminology." What? Police men don't get dictionaries any more? ! Legal Link Cloudy

That's it for now -- more as it happens.

Newsflashes

2007-05-23T12:37:00.001+10:00

First up is this announcement: British Ghost Hunters to Expore American Prison

This will consist of seven hours of live footage broadcast on the Travel Channel, along with live webcam video feeds. Viewers can email the paranormal researches with suggestions of rooms to visit, paranormal sightings on the webcams, etc. I don't get the Travel Channel here, but I'm going to be glued to my computer on June 1.

***

And next is this: Daunted and Perhaps Even Haunted

A group of cynical jounalists is spooked by a night in a haunted house here in NSW Australia (they started with eight, two left and spend the night down the road). There are ghost tours of the house, apparently -- guess where I want to go next? I knew there had to be haunted sites to tour in this state!

***

Words of wisdom from a psychic: "There isn’t anything I can do about what happened yesterday and no one can guarantee you a tomorrow, not even a fortune teller." Joanna Honsberger dead at age 68. 'White Witch' of Niagra Falls Never Believed in Yesterday or Tomorrow and 'The White Witch' Joanna Honsberger dead at 68

That's it for the random news flash today.

Upcoming Targets - Updated

2007-05-22T10:48:00.000+10:00

Diary of a Witch by Sybil Leek (I'm not sure if this will turn out to be a classic or a train wreck, but since it's in my profile photo, I thought I had better read it and find out.)

Mutant Message from Down Under by Marlo Morgan (Brace yourself -- I know this one is bad.)

The Heart of the Tarot: The Two-card Layout: Easy, Fast, and Insightful by Sandra E. Thompson and Robert E. Mueller

Tulpa! Tulpa! Tulpa! -or- Mr. Devereux, John Constantine called and he wants his schtick back...oh and a Mr. J. Crow wants his gun back

2007-05-21T17:33:00.001+10:00

Book: Memoirs of an Exorcist
Author: David Devereux
Author Web Site: David Devereux - official site
Publisher: Gary Allen Pty Ltd

Review:

Note: I sit down to write this review with expectant glee. After subjecting myself to one of the most wretched reads I've ever experienced, writing this review will be a pleasant catharsis.

Where to begin with David Devereux and his autobiographical Memoirs of an Exorcist? The text itself or Mr. Devereux's equally clumsily constructed web page? I suppose I'll start at the source, the book itself.

One shouldn't judge a book by its cover, of course, but the cover photograph on this little gem is priceless. The man himself, stalking stoically through a grave yard in black shirt, black pants, black shoes, black tie, black trench coat, and, yes...black hat. You can just tell that at any moment, he will take out his black notebook and his black pen to write with black in on black paper his black black thoughts about this crazy exorcism biz. (Apologies to Henry Rollins for stealing one of his bits, but it fit so well!)

The blurb on the back cover didn't go far to reassure me. Despite calling Mr. Devereux “level-headed, highly knowledgeable and completely credible,” it made sure to mention that he approached spoooooky situations with “fearless calm...often accompanied by a cigarette and a swift whisky.” I clutched the book to my breast and prayed for a kitschy, Dashiell-Hammett-esque riff on ghost hunting. I was to be disappointed.

The book starts with Mr. Devereux repeatedly handing himself the “Damn I'm Awesome Award (TM)” [DI'MA] over and over again. This is cleverly disguised as a biography. He explains about how unpopular he was at school because he was so smart and precocious. He explains about his early interest in the Occult and Paranormal. He explains how fucking awesome he is – oh wait, I already mentioned that. Sorry. (But then again, he mentions it more than once, so I should be able to, also.)

Mr. Devereux then proceeds to explain that he has taken the building blocks of magic and has constructed his own magical system, like unto the martial arts system constructed by Bruce Lee and the other magickal system created by that one guy, Alister Crowley. He was, of course, inspired by Phil Hine's concept of Chaos Magic. And his “multimodel” approach to magic has allowed for that custom tailoring of his practices just like the aforementioned Lee and Crowley. He's a lean, mean magical-fighting machine!

The next chapter is the one I found most engaging and interesting (which highly telling, since it is the chapter with the least amount of text penned by the author). In the chapter “Meet the Team” four members of Athanor Concsulting, the paranormal investigation and protection services company of which the dashing Mr. D is second in command, explain how they got interested in the occult/paranormal and they each describe a case that he or she worked on. This is the part of the book that was the most cohesive and detailed. Particularly interesting was Daniel's story about receiving a message in a dream and decoding that message by using a pendulum and his knowledge of Old English. His thorough description of his methods was both riveting and the only time a detailed description of a practice graces the pages of the book. Go Daniel! You get the authentic “Damn You're Awesome Award (TM)”, which carries a bit more weight than it's analog.

The next few chapters detail various bad situations that Mr. Devereux is adept at resolving. Everything for poltergeist and poltergeist-like activity, to curses, and weirdness in the workplace. Yes, ladies and gents...weirdness in the workplace!

The poltergeist chapter was a bit dull and nothing really wretched popped out at me. I may have blacked out for a bit, one never knows.

In the chapter on curses, we get to learn that information is important when you are attempting to remove a curse and that sometimes people don't even realize they are cursed (I'm paraphrasing here, but ya'll get the gist)! This hard-hitting information is riveting and insightful and demonstrates that Mr. Devereux has read at least an article or two on curses! However, my favorite part of the curses chapter is this little bon mot, where he states that curses are “less common than you think, but more common than I'd like to think.” Wait...what? I didn't know we were going to get free Zen koans in this book, too! Score! I think I just reached enlightenment!

The weirdness in the workplace chapter causes me to wonder if it contains some secret, hidden, esoteric message that is actually the key to all magickal knowledge in this space-time reality, or if good old David had to make a page or word quota. It's primarily a bizarre digression about how companies should organize their work spaces and how unhappy employees not only are less productive but also generate the dreaded negative energy! Gasp! It also includes repetitive assurances about how confidential Athanor employees are and how they always strive to blend in. More about this feature of the company later. The curses chapter is capped by a description of Mr. Devereux's personal office and my little heart fluttered at the glimpse of this great man's personal life. Either that, or I blacked out again.

Folks, we've made it through part one! Sadly, there is a second part to this book. I'm not going to pretend there isn't, because I had to read it. So now you have to hear about it. You may want to take a short break before going on. I won't hold it against you.

And here's the rest...

Part Two is called “War Stories,” and while I was hoping for a ripping good tale of wartime adventures (perhaps set in WWII and starring a plucky major, his dog, and his French-resistance girlfriend), what I got instead was seven stories about Mr. Devereux's adventures doing battle with the occult forces of nastiness.

The first war story is called “Spot Cleaning” and describes Athanor removing some negative energy from a room. Daniel, the individual who asked for help, describes the employees of Athanor, mentioning how “The two boys were dressed in 'team colors' – long black leather coats, and dark glasses. People around them certainly moved out of their way.” Subtle. Good thing Mr. D. pointed out how much Athanor attempts to blend in when on a case. Good thing Mr. D. also called the people who didn't know what they were doing as regards to Chaos Magic 'Leather Trench Coats.' It's nice of the man to do my work for me. The moment of high humor comes when Ian, the boss at Athanor states that “negative spirits hate coherent light.” I was instantly catapulted back in time to 1984, when Peter Venkman hits the high keys on her piano and tells Dana Barret, “Ghosts hate that.” At the end of the yarn, the Athanor boss states that he's handled cases that were a “15” on the “Richter scale.” Which, all things considered, is pretty awesome, since the Richter scale only goes up to +10, even metaphorically speaking. Wikipedia says +10 on the Richter scale equates to 1 teraton of TNT going off, so either his boss is the occult equivalent of Conan, or I think a bit of exaggeration was involved.

Next, we are treated to the story “Misfire.” In this story, not only does the daring Mr. D call the person he's helping a “moron,” but, he seems to have channeled John Constantine. Now, my Hellblazer comics are on the other side of the ocean right now, but I swear to you some of the lines in Mr. Devereux's story seems to be directly from a comic I've read bout JC. No lie. I also giggled every time Dave called the demon he claims to have summoned “sunshine.” He's so tough! Read this story to hear all about John – I mean, Dave summoning and trapping a demon in a piece of obsidian. He also summons his demon into a smaller circle, rather than a triangle...which I just find more annoying than anything else.

War story three is kind of a blank for me. I think I may have had one too many “swift whiskies.” Or I may have just thrown the book across the room and went to go watch some old Danger Mouse episodes. Same difference. (Long live Count Duckula!)

War story four is about one of Athanor's failures! Shocked gasp! It's about the team attempting to clean up a farm house that is full of oogies of the boogie variety. Mr. Devereux again makes it clear how perfectly normal he and his coworkers are. Yep, nothing to see here people – we are normal as normal as normal can be (said while secretly praying someone thinks he's special). Bite me, Dave. The climax of the story is when Mr. D. releases some psycic energy to do battle and shouts “fire in the hole!” That really got my blood pumpin'! Yeee-haa! Fire in the hole, indeed.

War story five is about a haunted pub. This is where things completely broke down for me. Yes, really – here. Not way back at the start. This is obviously supposed to be the tale of tales – an epic battle of the forces of trench-coated occult bad boys against the forces of nasty evil negativity. You can tell that this is the case from quotes like, “I purged the room hard” and “Allright, fuckbag, here we come!” Rawk out! Devereux also goes on about all of the “easy kills” he made. Kills, you ask? Yes, kills. Apparently, he kills entities. Despite the fact that they aren't corporeal. How does he kill them? Brace yourself, bat friends. He kills them with his...ZOZO GUN!

You may be wondering what a zozo gun is, exactly. I'm not exactly qualified to tell you, because I'm not Grant Morrison. But, I have read The Invisibles Vol. 1: Say You Want a Revolution so I'll give it a shot. The Invisibles is a comic by Grant Morrison. And Grant is an awesome story teller, and a pop magickian. I love him, and the Invisibles are my favorite comic. The zozo gun is a weapon in the Invisibles that is weilded by my favorite character, Jim Crow. In the comic, Jim states that his zozo gun “converts sex to death” and one of the annotations on the issue in which the gun appears states that zozo probably means “penis” in “ 'language,' a garbled mix of several West African languages.” See The Bomb for where I snagged that info.

So, though I was vaguely entertained by the idea of Mr. Devereux ricocheting around a pub, “shooting” things with his big 'ole zozo “gun,” bringing that concept in and not explaining its source or purpose or even how the gun was supposed to function is a kind of desperate occult saber rattle that screams flash over substance. Which nicely sums up this entire book, actually.

The last war story is all about Mr. D. struggling to clear a dwelling with no “kit” or ritual tools. This struggle comes after an entire book of Mr. D. telling us that rituals and ritual items are largely unnecessary, since he uses the building blocks of magic in his multimodel process. Though, extra creativity points for using a sharpened pencil as a wand! Three points to Gryffindor!

One has to ponder a book on the paranormal that includes the definition of “Long Island Iced Tea” in the glossary, right between “libation” and “obsidian.” And one that lists three whole books in the Further Reading section. Better yet, his online resources list consists of 1) Wikipedia and 2) Thelemapedia. Will the esoteric secrets ever stop?

Review Summary:

Hopefully, I won't always need a review summary. This review got a little bit out of hand, but I must admit I had fun.

To sum up, reading Memoirs of an Exorcist was reminiscent of going down to the Mag Bar in Old Louisville and listening to drunk Thelemites boast about their magickal prowess in a desperate attempt to get chicks. Except, with less substance. However, if you've never been chatted up by drunk Thelemites, this book will provide a similar experience.

Though Devereux insists that exorcism is “an extremely specialized task that calls for a great deal of training, a very particular skill set,” he doesn't really tell us what his training or skill sets encompass. Everything is kept very vague. It's interesting to note that the FAQ on his web site states that he's been “very busy over the years” studying everything from “crystal healing to Vodou,” yet, once again, he refuses to give any detail. He gleefully maintains that he will neither confirm or deny rumors about what his training consists of. That's good Dave, keep 'em guessing!

I will confess that David Devereux has proven two of his statements without a shadow of a doubt. The first comes from a discussion about New Age and occult books:

[The New Age movement has led to] “far more people than ever before being able to learn magic and sadly this means that almost anyone can get away with putting a book out on the subject.”

The second statement is still more trenchant, and he has proven it admirably:

“Every field of study has its share of assholes.”

That's it. I'm outta here.

Newsflash! 5/21/07

2007-05-21T10:57:00.000+10:00

The Independent, a newspaper in the United Kindom, just had a news flash: "Record numbers of young women are dabbling in witchraft"!

Not only that, but, "The trend is being boosted by American TV series such as Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Charmed and Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

Read this shocking and timely report now!

Witchraft Casts Spell on Young

Was it a slow news day?

Upcoming Targets

2007-05-20T16:16:00.000+10:00

Memoirs of an Exorcist by David Devereux
Diary of a Witch by Sybil Leek (I'm not sure if this will turn out to be a classic or a train wreck, but since it's in my profile photo, I thought I had better read it and find out.)

Note: Just because it shows up in an Upcoming Targets list doesn't mean it's wretched -- it just means that it could be.

A User Guide like the ones you get with dodgy electronics, perhaps?

2007-05-20T12:18:00.000+10:00

Book: Voodoo Rituals: A User's Guide
Author: Heike Owusu
Publisher: Sterling

Review:
There's a slight problem with this book, as follows: Voodoo Rituals doesn't actually describe any "voodoo rituals."

However, it is a rambling and incredibly poorly written collection of vague statements that inaccurately covers a smattering of information about Voudon, American hoodoo, Western and Eastern European practices, and various other subjects.

The copyright of the book states that it was copyright 2000 by Schirner Verlag, Darmstadt, Germany. The publishing house, Sterling, is responsible for an absolutely terrible translation into English. Some sentences simply don't make sense, while others are cumbersome and confusing. For example, in regards to the subject "Dog Magic," we are told: "This invoked magic with animal spirits is sent in a dream." Thanks for the info, there, Heike. There are more examples of the same in the text, but you get the idea.

I am, by far, not an expert in Haitian Voudon. However, if the Voudon information covered in this book is comparable to the information contained in it regarding Western European magical practices, the entire book is filled with vague statements and horrid inaccuracies. Hands of Glory and the entymology of the word demon are just two examples of complete inaccuracies in the text.

If you don't know much aboug magickal practices, you'll wander away from this book with the vague idea that Vodoun rituals are pefromed in circles, with athames, and in order to create elementals. Yep, you read that right.

It's a sad mish-mash of poorly-described practices that often have nothing to do with "voodoo rituals." This book is most certainly not a "users guide" and will only serve to confuse people who are new to the subject, and to annoy people who are familiar with the material.

(A pared-down version of this review appears on the Amazon.com page.)

Spooked: Books to Run From

Target Aquired!

Something stirs...

The Seeker is Out There

David Devereux’s Brother from Another Mother

March's Seeker

Buzz, buzz, buzz...

A Closet Post Secret Junkie Thinks about Love

The Tide is High....

An Announcement

Our Gods Wear Spandex, Our Goddesses are Barefoot and Pregnant

Update + Bad Craziness Down Under

Science vs. Spiritual Beliefs

Next Target

Treading water in the outer reaches of the intar-web

Bwahaha!

Spookily bad stuff...

Aieeee! Right off the edge of the world!

Konstantinos: Keeping you in the Dark for a Dime

The Worst Witch DVD = The Best Special Features

"I don't even know if new jersy is a city.

5 Weird Reasons Why I Love Louisville

Still in the 'Ville

*blink blink* Where am I?

The snark is prising

The Who is Whating?

His name....is not important!

Fashion! Turn to the left! Fashion! Right!

You're doin' it wrong...

A Pleiadian Pamphlet to Proceed Precipitously From

An Award for...David Sexton?

Nope, the review isn't complete

Aiiieee! (and then she fell off the face of the earth!)

A meme ripped fromt he pages of Anjel's blog

Up to my eyebrows in books!

I saw the bad moon rising

My Eyes, My Burning Eyes - Or - Connie Visits YouTube Part I (Introduction)

I have nothing to say about this

Quiz Results - Which Tarot Card are You?

Newsflash

Stan-u-factured Dross: The Marvel Tarot

In Despair Over the Fantasy Book Market

Ten Things About Constance (via Jeff)

Why the New Seal? Boycott The Dark is Rising!

Connie back -- with Newsflash!

Apologies for the hiatus...but the hiatus will continue. :(

A kindred spirt?

We've got spirit, yes we do!

Newsflash

Is Mercury Retrograde?

Three posts in one day? C'est impossible! Occult Mix Tape

Would you, Ouija Board?

Two card Tarot for everyone!

Newsflash

Where my news at?

Newsflash

Newsflash

Cultural Theft for Fun and Profit

Newsflash

Newsflash

A good pup

Newsflash

Newsflash?

Newsflash

Newsflash

Sybil's Leeking Ego

Newsflash

Newsflash! Happy World Tarot Day

Newsflash

Newsflashes

Upcoming Targets - Updated

Tulpa! Tulpa! Tulpa! -or- Mr. Devereux, John Constantine called and he wants his schtick back...oh and a Mr. J. Crow wants his gun back

Newsflash! 5/21/07

Upcoming Targets

A User Guide like the ones you get with dodgy electronics, perhaps?

blink blink Where am I?