A Pleiadian Pamphlet to Proceed Precipitously From

Sooo...how ya'll doin'?
Yes, I know, I'm dreadfully late. It will probably not shock you to discover that not only am I late with a post of any substance, it also isn't on the book I said it would be. I hang my head in shame. I am currently rewriting my latest big review – I finished over half of it and decided I wanted to do it a different way, so here we sit.


To make up for the scarcity of content, I bring to you the following pictorial review of the pamphlet Pleiadian Science and New Age Technology, which is brought to us by Pyradyne International.


Title: Pleiadian Science and New Age Technology
Author: They don't really say, and with good reason
Publisher: Pyratech Public Relations
Found: In Anne's Bookshop here in Nowra

First, let's take a look at the cover of this winner:


I don't know what it is about privately published books on the paranormal or other "fringe" topics, but they always seem to have hired the worst illustrator imaginable. This can be seen in the first version of Mutant Message from Down Under -- and it can be seen here, in the cover of this little missive.

According to the information on one of the first pages, we find out that pollution has increased the carbon dioxide levels on the planet, which has increased the humidity, which has increased the number of cases of AIDS. Wait, what? You heard me (or rather, Wingnut Incorporated). Pollution and the resultant humidity increase has exacerbated the AIDS problem

There's a bunch of other health problems plaguing us today, and not just humidity-induced AIDS, of course. There's acid rain , depletion of the ozone layer (which weakens our immune system, dontchaknow?), various types of bad energy from radioactivity to electromagnetic radiation and microwaves, and the fact that we are growing our veggies in soil that is 50% depleted of minerals!! (Their words, my exclamation points.)

What is a healthy and conscious member of society to do? Well, you're supposed to wear one of these, of course:


Throw away your tinfoil hats -- welcome to the future of boarder line paranoid-schizophrenic headwear! Introducing the Pyradome (pictured left) and Powerdome (pictured right)!


The Raydome (balanced oh-so-joyfully on our male model's head) is supposed to
not only give you deep relaxation and balance, but to stabilize high blood
pressure! (Note how carefully the word "stabilize" is used rather than
"reduce" or "lower." Someone had a lawyer that was paying attention.)

The Powerdome (on our slightly dazed female model's head) is supposed to detoxify the brain (that may explain her expression), activate your meditation centers, give "tremendous energy" and increase your psychic abilities.


Will wonders never cease?

Apparently not, because there are many more fine products pictured in this missive, from the Firedome (relieves arthritis!) and Raydome (gives a "balanced appetite!") to the Vitamid (put your fruit under it so that it gets the vitamins it didn't get while growing!) to the overly complex Antenna Systems (we'll get into those in a bit.)

But, first, let's take a closer look at this bruhaha, shall we? It's a mix of old 70's pyramid power beliefs, gussied up with a dash of Orgone therapy, a nod to Chakras, and a pinch of negative ion generators. A veritable smorgasbord of kookiness! Which means we are treated to many pages of bizarre, yet complex and entertaining line drawings:




Throughout, we are assured that this "New Age Science" is the future of humanity because it does not "go against nature." We are also informed that our ancestors were "well versed in the practical application of Time and Space" (what a relief!) and that our sun rotates around the Central Spiritual Sun which is called Alcyone and is located in the Pleiadies.



Luckily, Fred Bell, H.M.D, is in contact with the Pleiadians, among other extraterrestrials, so he and his organization can help us wear weird shit on our heads and waste money on expensive and ugly metal sculptures! (That is, when he's not "touring the world partly as a NEW AGE musicien, party as an author and lecturer..." The misspelling and the random caps are all theirs, baby.)



So we get some more intriguing drawings like this:

















And then comes the big sell to convince us intrepid readers that we really really need a setup like this:

Because, you know, everyone needs a six-foot tall metal pyramid in their house. I wonder why no one told her she was sitting off-center? Maybe it has something to do with secret New Age Science information we are not privy to?

I hope you enjoyed this eerie tour through kooksville with me. If you haven't had enough, you can always check out the Pyradyne Website, which has a lovely and relaxing ambient soundtrack which turns REALLY CREEPY about 1 minute into it! Yikes!

This is Connie, signing off to go polish her tin foil hat.

120 comments:

Steve B said...

It's a mix of old 70's pyramid power beliefs, gussied up with a dash of Orgone therapy, a nod to Chakras, and a pinch of negative ion generators.

What worries me isn't that they used all those terms, but that I knew what each one means. *headdesk*

Dalim said...

Another great review from the wonderful reviewer... eh! Hey I want to wear a triangle thing on my head at work and see if anyone notices and if they do I can say it is a religious icon and I will wear it for the 6 months of "ta ta ka humpf" - and see if I don't get a holiday out of it at the end!! just see...
Hey write the next one... come on!!! Write!!
hehehe

Constance Parker said...

Steve b - I don't know if you should have admitted that publicly. ;) Take heart in the fact that even though you know what they all are, you didn't try to combine them all and sell chintzy metal pyramids as a result!

Dalim - Hehe, thanks for the encouragement. We'll measure you for your own head pyramid ASAP!

Jeff said...

I swear to whomever that I am going to write 400 pages of gibberish, along the lines of "oiuf jkhfkhasduio kldhkldo akjhfa jadyucn lkajdfyjkmn nadnufdklj" and then another 400 pages of "translations" of this random stupidness. Then I will go on the talk-show circuit and make a whole bunch of money (which, as everyone knows, is just covered in secret kabbalistic pictoors). Hey, I'll even credit you as one of my Arctahoovian cohorts, and you can get rich and famous too!

Please tell me, darlin, why people are so dang dum? D-U-M dum.

Greetings, I am April said...

I'm just wondering how you managed to finish reading it!

Constance Parker said...

The things I suffer for my art. *dramatic wrist to forehead* ;)

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