My Eyes, My Burning Eyes - Or - Connie Visits YouTube Part I (Introduction)

The other afternoon, I was reminded of an old comedy song by Adam Sandler. The song is called "Voodoo" and it has the resounding chorus of "Voodoo spell on you! Voodoo, voodoo!" I wanted Frank to hear it, so like a good little child of the 21st Century, I wandered over to YouTube to see if it was there. Sadly, it wasn't there, so Frank had to endure my a capella rendition, thanks to the lyrics posted here.

Though I didn't find what I was looking for, I did manage to find about a metric ton of videos on the paranormal and the occult. I couldn't resist taking a look. I assumed that I might find a wide variety of home-grown wingnuttery and I was not disappointed! From videos on "Christian Voodoo" to conspiracy theories that combined 911, Mr. Crowley, and the Tarot -- YouTube has everything.

So, for a change of pace, I present to you a miniseries of bad YouTube video reviews for your edification and possible complete and abject terror. I'll say it now: if any of these videos cause you, a loved one, or cherished pet to go hide under the couch, don't come running to me.

I figure that this will run for at least two more posts, possibly three. So, don't hate me, die-hard book readers. This opportunity was just too good to miss.

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First, let me just mention the Christian Voodoo videos, which have been created to promote a book by the same name. The author of the book and perpetrator of the videos is Eric Gibbons, an artist and gallery owner who lives in New Jersey. I don't want to reveal much of the content, because this man's book is now on the top of my review list. And you will see why once you peruse some of these videos, which include the rustle of turning pages in the back ground as accompaniment to the scratchy voice over.



The two high points in the videos are when the author/narrator/artist at large mispronounces words. According to Mr. Gibbons, the word "biblomancy" is pronounced "bib-lee-o-macy" and the word "attributed" is pronounced "a-tri-booted."

Though these videos, you too can learn that horseshoes are lucky because they are C-shaped and stand for the word Christ. Wait, what?

If you have the intestinal fortitude for more, here is Lovsart2's (aka Eric Gibbon's) channel page.

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Next we come to the paranoid and vaguely disturbing world of Satanic Hand Signs of the Global Elite. In this video, you can watch, not-so-entranced, as you are presented with still photos of various famous people flashing the horned hand (aka mano cornuta). You know, this thing:

Whoweareinchrist (catchy name), the producer of this 5 minutes pseudo-entertainment, is claiming that being pictured giving the mano cornuta is sure evidence of being a satanic, free masonic conspirator! So, among the pictures of Kid Rock (oh, no! He's on their side! All is lost!) and Paul McCartney (this explains the evil of Band on the Run quite nicely), there are many pictures of members of the Bush family.

One problem with this theory is that good old Dubya (though he is indeed, evil) is a Texan and shares a state with the University of Texas at Austin. What do they use to cheer on their sports teams to victory? The Hook 'Em Horns:


So I imagine most, if not all of the Bush family photos are from back home when George et.al. are cheering on their home team.

I think this video is either a masterpiece of surrealism, or they forgot to include the voice over (it's so hard to tell these days). Because in the middle of all the Satanic Hand Signs, an image of the tiny owl that is hidden on the US $1 bill appears -- with absolutely no explanation.

The best part of this video isn't even the video sadly. The best part is this comment from Whoweareinchrist, which can be found on the page: "I know one thing about witches, they deserve to be burned."

Thanks, Whoweare. Your existence affirms my belief in God and that he/she/it has a sense of humor.

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Click if you dare: Satanic Hand Signs of the Global Elite!

And finally, the piece de resistance.

First, the title says it all: 911 WC NWO Prophecy Love & Peace Tower Tarot. Next, the author of this steaming pile spells "per se" like this: "per say." (It's a pet peeve of mine). Outside of that, the creator, AHVH is a loon.

Let me see if I can sum it up: When Alister Crowley spent the night in that Egyptian pyramid, he was able to predict the destruction of the World Trade Center. He wrote stuff about "Twin warriors about the pillars of the world! Paste the sheets from right to left and top to bottom, then behold!" This is of course, what AHVH calls a "double prophetic allegory." To which I say, "What?"

Anywho, Crowley's message was obviously hidden instructions on how redneck could fold various denominations of US currency so that we could all relive the horror of thousands of lost lives by doing dollar-bill origami. (Because, who doesn't want to do that?) Crowley's predictions also somehow influenced the creation of the "talisman" on the back of the $1 bill. (I'm not too clear on this part, because the background music to this insanity is three John Lennon songs, and at this point, Give Peace a Chance came on and Frank didn't want the song to be interrupted.)

After many screens of all caps questions like:

WHAT IS A TALISMAN?

and

HOW HOLY WAS CROWLEY?

You kind of figure out that AHVH thinks that Crowley influenced the creation of the great seal on the $1 bill so that everyone would charge it up with energy. This somehow created the attack on the towers, which will lead us into a new age of whatever.

His only remaining question (also provided in all caps) is:

HOW MUCH ENERGY REMAINS CHARGED?

What else could the dollar bill talisman do?!

Right.

So, this report was just to whet your appetite. Or to cause you, your family, and loved ones to hide under the couch, I'm not sure which.

Coming up, I'll review a series of videos made by a shaman-witch-type guy and a series of videos by a goofy-ass conspiracy theorist.

Quake in fear, mortals!